The Prospect of leaving my Angel alone even for just a few hours..

.. breaks my heart so badly that I know it is not an option.

My mother leaves for Manila on the 18th (or if I can pull it off, the 20th) because her visa extension runs out on the 22nd.  The plan was to have my brother, Nikky, come sometime mid-April to take over and hold the fort for mom until school opens in Manila again mid-June.  My biggest dilemma now is that Nikky’s Embassy appointment is not until April 29.  Between the interview alone and Mom’s departure is a week and a half.  With the 3-5 day processing date, the earliest I see Nikky greeting me at JFK is May 5 or 6.  That means that I’m looking at possibly having to work around 10 days when Alan and I have to divvy up taking care of Angel.

At first I thought leaving him at back up day care as sponsored by my company was an option, but then I realized that would mean leaving him alone with strangers for a couple of hours.  I was bothered by the thought of entrusting him to strangers, but I soon overcame that.  Then I realized little by little that it might prove to be harrowing for Angelo who is so used to having a familiar face (usually his Lola’s) around, that realizing he was alone might drive him to a crying fit.  Call me paranoid but I’m just afraid it might scar him for life.  I’d also hate to imagine him screaming his lungs off as he is wont to do when he feels frustrated when he cries.

(Taking a deep breath..)

So I guess at this point day care isn’t an option.  I’d rather use up my precious vacation days to be with him at home.  Perhaps Alan can take the first 2 days the first week, I can take the full week following and then Alan can take another few days until Nikky is here finally. 

Father and son bond very well.  It seems that Angel likes it when his Dad takes care of him.  I love seeing them sitting quietly, like how behaved Angel was picking up his Cheerios and eating them while his Dad held him on his lap while he was having his ice cream.  I sat across the table and had my own ice cream, offering several times to take Angel, but his Dad wouldn’t give him to me.  They’ll be fine alone together.. although I am sure feeding time will be a test of wills.. ha!

I am still hopeful there will be a positive development in the horizon and Nikky will be here on time.  But I guess it’s but prudent to think of a plan B — just in case..

Crafty Thoughts

At any given time during the week, I’m thinking of something crafty to do.  Over the weekend, one of the things I picked up from the dollar store was a button set which I will put on some plain t-shirts — an idea inspired at no less than NORDSTROM’S where they had a lady on a table with a gallon of multi-colored and vari-colored buttongs which she was sewing onto plain tank tops and t-shirts over the weekend.  Sort of one-of-a kind pieces to welcome Spring I suppose.

While editing my blogs here, I came across a very interesting blog entitled “THE BOY WHO KNITS“.  I was naturally intrigued and have been reading up on his posts.  DO I ENVY HIS KNITTING!  Knitting, I must admit, is one of my weaknesses in terms of crafting.  I learned how to knit from the step-by-step instruction in our old encyclopedia set at home using plastic chopsticks.  I just downloaded instructions how to knit again in the hopes of correcting my style.  It seems I am unable to knit evenly, and so it ends up that one row has smaller stitches than the next.  Do I wish I can remedy that!

Kenny, the boy who knits, is a newfound inspiration.. here’s to knitting!

A Right to Life

The right to life is a basic human right that every civilized country holds sacred.  I’ve been keeping tabs on the Terri Schindler-Schiavo case in the news, and I just read on the latest where the contending sides (her husband and her parents) are fighting over whether or not the feeding tube that has been sustaining her food intake will be put back, as she has been without food or water for 4 days now.

The case is simple — Terri, who suffered oxygen deprivation years ago due to an eating disorder has been in a vegetative state since.  Her parents claim she is responsive, her husband claims that she wouldn’t want to continue living in the state she is in if she had a voice in this.  Now the state is intervening and her husband is crying foul because they see this as an ecroachment into family rights which should belong to the family unit alone.

I refuse to take sides where Terri is concerned, but personally, if this were to happen, I would want to live.  While recovery may take a miracle, the fact that a person survives such a debilitating blow to one’s health is always a sign from above that one was not meant to die yet.  I have told Alan that if it gets to that point when he could no longer care for me, he should just send me home where my siblings will surely take care of me.  My choice is always to live.. more so now that I have Angelo. 

My whole existence is anchored on his growing up to be a good human being.  I can’t wait for us to start drawing and writing.  I am assembling his memory box.. I am already thinking of doing a quilt for him which he can use when he’s bigger.. (It will certainly take a long time to put that together..)  I cannot stop long enough to watch him growing in pictures.. something changes by the minute and I want to savor each and every frame of my little boy growing up.  And I want to be there with him as he grows up — that is why Life is always my choice.


Falling down

Angel woke up and started rolling around our bed and while I was getting dressed he edged to the far side of the bed away from Alan and fell off again.  Fortunately it was a clow fall and he landed on his butt, and I was able to catch his head — it jolted him and made him cry but he was fine otherwise.  Before long, he was smiling and asking me to carry him out of the room to his playpen so he could catch Barney and his favorite Sesame Street.

Every time Barney’s closing song comes in, I go out and sing with Barney and make sure hold his hand through the song and to give him a hug and a kiss as the song goes.  Then when Sesame Street’s JOURNEY TO ERNIE and ELMO’S WORLD come on, I sing the songs and I find him looking at me admiringly instead of watching the TV as I go on with such gusto.  I’m sure that in time, we will be singing those songs together.

The best part of my day is actually going through our morning routine.  Waking him up, changing him, changing his clothes and then putting him down in his playpen.. going through preparing breakfast in the kitchen and then watching him and sometimes talking to him as I go through all that.  It makes saying goodbye to him in the mornings a little easier.

One more day

Sunday and I wish there was another day to this weekend.  Unfortunately, tomorrow, I go back to work.  And so begins another countdown to the next weekend.  Angel is sleeping on the floor as Alan is enjoying his ALIAS DVD.  I am working on a notebook/journal for my bestfriend Fe which I will send home with Mom.  I feel like I accomplished a lot during the weekend although it may seem so few to most other people.

I managed to fix the pile of stuff on the floor next to my bed.  We took our moms out to lunch Saturday and Mom and I visited Old Navy and the dollar store at THE SOURCE (in Garden City) to buy some pasalubongs for the people back home.  Abril, my brother, is celebrating another birthday this April.  His birthday is just 5 days after mine.  Alan even bought a birthday gift for him already — even without my asking.  As always, I wish I could send more.  My niece continues to be on top of everyone’s list although my mom has been telling me she’s just growing up so fast. 

I feel good about the fact that I cooked both lunch and dinner successfully today, considering I usually beg off one meal and use it as an excuse to order out.  I cooked some london broil steak which I dressed in a garlic pesto dressing for lunch. For dinner, I tweaked Nora Daza’s Italian Spaghetti sauce a little and made it the sweetened Pinoy type spaghetti.

Alan, Angel and I also spent the afternoon together, getting our share of Cold Stone Creamery goodies, and then we did our groceries with Angel riding on the grocery cart — a first for him!  At first he was apprehensive but he let us put him there and we finished the errand with no incident.  Major accomplishment!

It’s been an uneventful but lovely weekend.  I am counting the days until Mom goes back to Manila.  I miss her already.  But I know she will be back.  For now I’m worried about Nikky getting here eventually.  I hope that will get resolved soon.

Time to get ready for the week ahead.. time to make the most of the hours left of this weekend.