A Balancing Act

I promised myself I wouldn’t stay too long online.  I got up from nursing Angel to sleep just a half hour ago, and I’m counting the minutes until I, myself, turn in for the night.  Tomorrow, after all, is another Monday.  Back to work I go.

Angel is asleep in his new playpen.  He likes the sexagon (?) enclosure.  It doens’t fit us as a family but one of us can actually lie down with him.  He is also prevented from climbing up into the two black leather sofas which used to be two of four sides of his “enclosure”.  He was quite a handful today so we didn’t go beyond Easter Sunday mass and our usual Sunday luncheon.  (It was Ground Round today.)

Alan and I had our usual Coldstone Creamery date this afternoon, stopping there before the Gym.  By the time we got to the gym, they no longer let us in because they were closing.  Only in the US will you see establishments closing early on Easter.  Back in Manila, today is the day business roars back to life after falling silent from Maundy Thursday to Black Saturday.

Mom seems to be feeling better.  (Or I sure hope so..)  She seems envigorated by the milder temperature, and the prospect of counting down to her departure on the 20th. 

The 15 year old arrived a few hours ago from his mom’s.  Like his departure, we haven’t said goodbye or hello.  Nothing new.  We used to have complete weekends when he would say nary a word to me.  It used to really get me all upset, now I just accept it as a part of who he is.  Not entirely his fault — his pride was unconsciously molded by the overindulgence of his whims by his elders.  Nothing I can do about that now.  It is a vicous cycle even his Dad has difficult time shaking himself free from. 

I am a parent now so he can no longer tell me I cannot fathom the difficulty because I don’t have a child of my own.  (Remembering him telling me that still feels like a fresh stab to the heart even if it was a lifetime ago.)  I can only pray my son does not fall victim to the same smothering which is now my stepson’s handicap.

I have no say in this teen’s life.  I do have a say in how his presence in my house can affect the wellbeing of my child.  Angelo, for all his innocence, is open game to his environment.

So I have tried my best to shut it all out.  I have ignored he who has chosen to ignore me.  It’s a small house so it is rather difficult to do.  At this point, I no longer have the energy to struggle against it.  Acceptance is the easier if not the only alternative.

I know Alan is desperately trying to do a balancing act — often losing it, but continually struggling to get back up again.



One thought on “A Balancing Act

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