In a week and a half, Mom is leaving for Manila. I suddenly remembered that I have yet to pick up her ticket from the travel agency. I postponed doing this only because Mom had asked me about possibly moving her flight up to an earlier date. (Bringing her to the doctor helped ease her anxiety about her health and has convinced her to wait it out til the 20th.)
I feel sad thinking about her leaving Angel and me here in New York despite her promise to return soon. I also feel the weight of her anxiety about returning to Manila where we are still trying to hold on to the home we had grown up in. She is so excited about going home, but I know that there is also a sense of resignation in her returning. While she remains hopeful that she might win the lotto to save the house, I know that deep in her heart, she knows that losing the house is inevitable. When I think about her burden, I, too, wish I could win the lotto so I can solve her problem.
So what are we to do when she goes on the 20th? I have already asked permission from my boss to be off on the day she leaves. Alan will stay home with Angel the Thursday and Friday following. Fortunately, my boss leaves for Asia the following week when I hope to work from home. It’s going to be tricky “holding the fort” while we await Nikky’s arrival. I am hopeful we will manage somehow. We have to — it’s part of parenthood after all.
I can sense a sadness in Mom’s tone when she tells Angel she is leaving soon. I know it breaks her heart to leave her dear grandson — considering their special bond. But if only because of this, I know she will come back soon.
She’s been with us a year now but it doens’t feel as though she had been here that long. If not for the pain she has been suffering and her anxiety about the business back home, I wouldn’t mind keeping her here with me longer. Of course there’s her visa to worry about. I miss Mom already — the year she’s been here has really been special to me because it made us even closer to each other. I cannot wait for her to come back and be with us again.
Pinay New Yorker 