April 21, 2005 – Pinay New Yorker

I had gotten so used to certain routines while Mom was here that not doing them brings me to the reality that she’s no longer here with me. Every morning I would make just a little extra coffee she would dilute for breakfast. As I walk to the subway, I’d pick up a free METRO or a free AM New York for her. Then during the day, I’d print out news articles from the newspapers in Manila for her to read.

The house feels different with Angelo in it and without her.

I’m texting my brother from my PC and I’m just as anxious as them to see Mom come out of the airport. Her plane has arrived but it will take her a few minutes to clear customs and then for her to grab her luggage from the carousel.

I was so surprised to hear that she was brought out in a wheelchair, but my brothers have assured me she’s okay now. Perhaps it was just all the excitement of going home.

There’s a lot of food laid out in the hallway in front of my cubicle, and I would normally take some food to bring home to Mom so she could sample it. At a time like this I wish she were here for me to bring home the pastries to, but she’s now 10,000 miles away. She’s back in the place she calls home.

I left the house with barely half a mug of coffee in my stomach. It is a different morning I woke up to with Mom no longer puttering around in the kitchen to greet Angel and me a good morning. Instead, I had to fix Angel’s breakfast and feed him before I could take a shower. Where I would usually prepare just Alan’s and my breakfast, today, I had to prepare lunch and dinner for Angelo, too.

Abiding by mom’s instructions to serve Angel fresh rice as often as I can, I put the rice cooker on while feeding the baby.

I still had to prepare ALan’s breakfast, though, but had no more time to do mine. It really makes me wish Mom would come back soon. She lands in Manila in around 2 hours (It’s around 8:30 and I’m writing this while on the Q88 to the R train from Queens Mall.)

Tomorrow, ALan works from home again — then next week, I do three days at home, then I will be working 2 days. It’s not easy but we have no choice but to adapt. I dread to think of how we will manage if Nikky’s not given a visa to help us out here. I think we ought to start planning for that just by way of contingency.