Talk about a challenging day. I opened my boss’s take home folder with a note informing me she has decided to cut her trip to Asia by a week, so that means that instead of being away for two weeks, she will be away only for one week. Then things have been going wrong with her calendar and her scheduled meetings, and my day today has just been turned upside down. The doubling of my chores at home without Mom to help me with Angel only aggravates things, what with having to wake up earlier and sleep later — and having more to worry about in terms of Angel’s day-to-day care.
It looks like we have no choice but to put Angel in day care by the first week of May, at least for a couple of days until I can take Thursday and Friday off to do this firsthand. I have been telling Alan we need to seriously consider a contingency plan just in case Nikky is unable to make it here to the US. That would mean a major readjustment of our plans, and would probably necessitate making more permanent arrangements.
Right now my mind is racing in all directions. The burden of caring for a child and worrying about him has fallen down on my lap really hard. (More like hit me on the head with a loud thud.) I am worried about how Angel will cope if I leave him, so I have told Alan I think it would be better for him to drop Angel off instead of me. I was thinking of visiting him in the middle of the day, but it looks like that might just disrupt his calm (if he ever gets to that point) and just make him cry again.
I am so afraid he would think I have abandoned him like I felt that day they asked me to leave him in the hospital when I was discharged because he had to do phototherapy because of some index of health he met borderline. I cried on the way home and cannot forget him struggling against the hands that held him and put that cover on his eyes to protect him from the light.
It’s hard to think of having strangers take care of him. I don’t know how he will cope.. I don’t know if be something he’ll adapt to easily. But as Alan said, it’s something we must deal with. There’s just no going around it.. not here in New York.
Pinay New Yorker 