It’s almost 8PM and Angel is still napping. We’re having dinner the minute he stirs. Meanwhile, I grabbed the chance to tidy up a bit (just a bit) in the one hour he’s been asleep, and start boiling some beef for his and my lunch and dinner tomorrow.
It’s been a long day.. I couldn’t believe how hectic it could be trying to catch up with my boss who was calling me from halfway across the globe in Hong Kong, dealing with things in her calendar that needed to be taken cared of, and then trying to resolve some matters remotely from work. I could sense the exasperation in my boss’s voice, but there’s really nothing she or I could do about it. I could’ve just called in sick, but instead, I am working from home, trying to talk to her as Angel was crying out, and doing e-mails in between trying to nurse the baby and make him sleep.
I loved to watch Angel asleep and lost in la-la land. He looks so peaceful each time. I couldn’t resist how nice it was outside and I decided we would go for a walk to the stores around the co-op, but halfway through, I couldn’t help but have second thoughts about doing it all because Angel was really heavy! We managed to get there and pick up a few things, then I headed back. My boy has really grown. I can’t imagine how I did it last Monday carrying him and carrying the laptop in my tote on one shoulder. Today seemed doubly difficult.. still, we managed.
I wanted to set him down on the grass to take pictures, but it is such a struggle trying to put him into his sling I was afraid if I even attempted to take him out of it, I might end up carrying him home without it. So I settled for a walk.
My precious boy is really growing up. He seems able to comprehend simple instructions now and would sometimes “argue” his disagreement when I have him drink his milk or when I ask him to lay down to nap. He does it in a non-aggressive way, though, but you can see his little brain working here.
He loves to playfully try to raise my shirt when he wants to nurse, but once or twice has agreed to just nap without nursing. He has to be cuddled and tapped to sleep, though, regardless. Even when he is deep in slumber, I kiss his head and whisper I love you — so he would know and hear it even when his conscious mind is asleep.
I wish I would win the lotto so we can spend our days together and I can see him grow up day to day. Then I wouldn’t have to worry about putting him in daycare which may be soon if my brother fails to make it here. I dread the thought of leaving him anywhere without the familiar face of his Kuya Mikey, his Dad or his Lolas.
A friend said it’s a matter of letting go.. isn’t it way too soon for someone two weeks shy of turning a year old? Or for someone who has a baby in that stage.. too soon if you ask me.
Pinay New Yorker 