Breakfast on Sunday

Angel let us sleep until 8 AM.  It’s almost 9AM and I just finished feeding him his 50-something Cheerios with a scoop of formula and a scoop of rice cereal.  He should be full and he’s playfully watching the Disney Channel.  Thank God for shows like Higglytown Hero and The Wiggles.  (I promise we will watch them if they should come to the New York!)

Meanwhile, it’s another week I’m looking forward to, and I’m trying to figure out how I can make it work.  Alan will be off to Arizona on a business trip beginning tonight and won’t be back until Wednesday evening. 

I don’t mind the time spent with Angel, but it’s juggling other things with Motherhood that drives my routines out of whack.  I’m sure we will manage, I just have to figure that part out today.

My crunchy French Toast is on the stove.  The coffee is hot on the coffeemaker.  (Not that it matters because Alan prefers his coffee iced.)  It’s Gevalia’s Raspberry Chocolate blend which is a favorite of Alan’s.  I prefer my coffee with some whipped cream =).

The sun was out for a moment when Angel and I got out of the room, but now the grey skies have hidden it from view.  Looks like another glum and muggy day as per the weatherman’s forecast. =(  Here’s to a good week ahead.

Cooking up Baby Gourmet Treats

With Mom gone, I tried my hand at making Angel’s first gourmet meal.  I boiled a small potato I had cut in half, then added three asparagus tips and a pearl onion.  No seasoning, I figured the onion would do the flavoring.  I mashed the potatoes and cut the asparagus into small bits.  I mixed in some mashed chicken sticks (sausages for babies courtesy of Gerber) using the water I used to boil the veggies in as a soup base.  I then put 1/3 cup of freshly cooked rice in with around 1/2 cup of chicken stock (thinned and skimmed of visible fat) in our Magic Bullet and pulsed the mixture 5 times.  I mixed this all together and came up with two servings actually.

As Mom had done before, I fed him this meal along with a full tub of Stage 2 Gerber dessert.  Today it was half a tub of Bananas because I ran out.  (Went to the grocery later during the day to get more!)

Angel has quite a healthy appetite and he is really not difficult to feed.  I am still keeping my fingers crossed I won’t have to put him in daycare next week but that might prove difficult to pull off.  Let’s see.. let’s see..

Feeling Overwhelmed

I’m just about ready to leave the office at 6:30PM but I thought I’d sneak in a last post before I headed out.  I am still downloading “THE BUZZ” from ABS-CBN NOW (a subscription I had primarily because of Mom but which I would have gotten nevertheless for my own benefit), and it says 10 minutes or so more to go.  Might as well wait for the download to finish.

Angel is fine with Alan taking care of him.  I thought I’d head home on my own. 

I just needed to take a breather.  I brought down the stuff for FedExing (including some stuff for myself in preparation for working from home) and on the elevator on the way up, I had to take a deep breath and I felt a knot form in my stomach, putting me almost on the verge of crying.  I’m at a loss as far as Angelo is concerned.  The back up childcare facilities have me on wait list and I need a certification from my Pediatrician which I cannot now get because she’s on vacation the next two weeks.  I’m keeping my fingers crossed that her assistant will be in on Monday to assist me, otherwise, I’m in big trouble.

Wish it could be as easy as just staying home and taking the days off, but doing that at a time like this might get me in bigger trouble.  (My favorite word of the day: TROUBLE in capital letters.. LOL)

*SIGH*  Time for me to get ready to get out of here.. at least it’s the weekend.. that’s the only thing I’m really looking forward to.

Chaotic Friday

Talk about a challenging day. I opened my boss’s take home folder with a note informing me she has decided to cut her trip to Asia by a week, so that means that instead of being away for two weeks, she will be away only for one week. Then things have been going wrong with her calendar and her scheduled meetings, and my day today has just been turned upside down. The doubling of my chores at home without Mom to help me with Angel only aggravates things, what with having to wake up earlier and sleep later — and having more to worry about in terms of Angel’s day-to-day care.

It looks like we have no choice but to put Angel in day care by the first week of May, at least for a couple of days until I can take Thursday and Friday off to do this firsthand. I have been telling Alan we need to seriously consider a contingency plan just in case Nikky is unable to make it here to the US. That would mean a major readjustment of our plans, and would probably necessitate making more permanent arrangements.

Right now my mind is racing in all directions. The burden of caring for a child and worrying about him has fallen down on my lap really hard. (More like hit me on the head with a loud thud.) I am worried about how Angel will cope if I leave him, so I have told Alan I think it would be better for him to drop Angel off instead of me. I was thinking of visiting him in the middle of the day, but it looks like that might just disrupt his calm (if he ever gets to that point) and just make him cry again.

I am so afraid he would think I have abandoned him like I felt that day they asked me to leave him in the hospital when I was discharged because he had to do phototherapy because of some index of health he met borderline. I cried on the way home and cannot forget him struggling against the hands that held him and put that cover on his eyes to protect him from the light.

It’s hard to think of having strangers take care of him.  I don’t know how he will cope.. I don’t know if be something he’ll adapt to easily.  But as Alan said, it’s something we must deal with.  There’s just no going around it.. not here in New York.

A change of routine

I had gotten so used to certain routines while Mom was here that not doing them brings me to the reality that she’s no longer here with me.  Every morning I would make just a little extra coffee she would dilute for breakfast.  As I walk to the subway, I’d pick up a free METRO or a free AM New York for her.  Then during the day, I’d print out news articles from the newspapers in Manila for her to read.

The house feels different with Angelo in it and without her. 

I’m texting my brother from my PC and I’m just as anxious as them to see Mom come out of the airport. Her plane has arrived but it will take her a few minutes to clear customs and then for her to grab her luggage from the carousel.

I was so surprised to hear that she was brought out in a wheelchair, but my brothers have assured me she’s okay now.  Perhaps it was just all the excitement of going home.

There’s a lot of food laid out in the hallway in front of my cubicle, and I would normally take some food to bring home to Mom so she could sample it.  At a time like this I wish she were here for me to bring home the pastries to, but she’s now 10,000 miles away.  She’s back in the place she calls home.


Our First Day Without Mom

I left the house with barely half a mug of coffee in my stomach.  It is a different morning I woke up to with Mom no longer puttering around in the kitchen to greet Angel and me a good morning.  Instead, I had to fix Angel’s breakfast and feed him before I could take a shower.  Where I would usually prepare just Alan’s and my breakfast, today, I had to prepare lunch and dinner for Angelo, too.

Abiding by mom’s instructions to serve Angel fresh rice as often as I can, I put the rice cooker on while feeding the baby.

I still had to prepare ALan’s breakfast, though, but had no more time to do mine.  It really makes me wish Mom would come back soon.  She lands in Manila in around 2 hours (It’s around 8:30 and I’m writing this while on the Q88 to the R train from Queens Mall.)

Tomorrow, ALan works from  home again — then next week, I do three days at home, then I will be working 2 days.  It’s not easy but we have no choice but to adapt.  I dread to think of how we will manage if Nikky’s not given a visa to help us out here.  I think we ought to start planning for that just by way of contingency.

Sending Mom Off

We left the house at 11AM and were at the airport before 11:30.  There were no long lines at the check in so we were done by 11:30.  I told Mom we can use the time to have some lunch at the foodcourt and we sat down to a McDonald’s lunch.  I was trying to make it very casual although I could feel a knot forming in my stomach — I really didn’t want her to go.  She actually handled it much better than I did.  It was good there were no tears when we eventaully said goodbye.. Mom promised to come back as soon as she can — barring any health problems that may keep her from doing so sooner than she planned.

I watched her through the glass wall as she went through the final check before going to the boarding gates, then she disappeared into the hallway leading to Gates 1-3 of Terminal 1 of the JFK airport.  I wanted to wave goodbye to her but she was way off to hear me call out to her.  I had to content myself with watching her disappear to head off to the plane that will take her home.

There was an elderly Korean man standing beside me earlier by the glass partition, and he was watching a much older lady who was right behind mom at the x-ray machines.  “Your mom?, ” I asked him — and he said yes.  I told him I was watching out for my Mom, too.

I feel a heaviness in my heart just thinking about it.  I’m being a baby, I know.  I just can’t fully express what it meant to me to have her here for a year.  And now that she’s gone back home, even if only temporarily, I feel the distance between New York and the place I used to call home again.  I’m confident the thought of Angel being alone will make her come back soon enough.  I cannot wait to have her here again.


25 past 5

The clock is ticking close to 6PM and I’m waiting on the boss to give me a call so I can leave.  I am itching to get out of here so I can actually get the stuff I need to get for mom before she goes.  I was thinking of going into the city, but now I realize it would be faster if I actually took the 7 Express Train to Main Street and then I can go to Macy’s there and also hit Duane Reade for the last minute shopping.

*Sigh*  I meant to do some of it last night but Alan brought Angelo when they came to fetch me, and the poor kid was getting all cranky as it was his dinner time.  The boy is such a darling.. When I sat down beside him, he held my hand which was resting on his basket.  I cannot see myself bringing him to work because then that would mean having to put him down.  Do I bring his basket ahead?  The back up childcare option is out the window because there is now a waiting list because the week I had intended to use it, it is actually Spring Break for the kids, so they expect to be full.

Maybe I can try the TUTOR TIME near the house.. it completely upsets the whole plan.  I’m thinking how I’m supposed to do all this now that back up childcare is not an option.  I might get to use it, but not until the second week the boss is out.  Alan and I are doing a tour of the facility Friday next week.

I guess we’ll just have to flesh this out.


Bistro Dining

Alan and I have a favorite French Bistro over at Park Avenue and 20th Street called L’Express which is part of a group of French restaurants here in New York City.  Indulge my francophilia — I had delicious stuffed portobello mushrooms as an appetizer, and I thought I’d try their Beef Burgundy which literally melted in my mouth.

As always, we had the cheese cake for dessert which is absolutely to die for!

24 Hours til Mom goes

We finally finished packing one of her suitcases last night.  Tonight, we will finish the box and do her carry on luggage.  Then in a few hours, I will be seeing her off at JFK to finally go home after a year of being with Angelo and me.  I find such great comfort hugging Angelo close whenever I think of Mom leaving me.

Yesterday’s adobo was fantastic.  We bought some Cold Stone Creamery dessert and Mom enjoyed it.  (The quart, though, wasn’t enough for the four of us — next time, I have to get the ultimate bucket.)

This time tomorrow, I will be bidding Mom goodbye for good… until she returns, that is.