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Here’s Leen-leen’s response to my response:

gee, that was some valuable enlightenment you shared with me. i realized i have so much to learn about blog posting and being “heard” and having one’s presence felt. but i’d like to clarify that i was not really searching for filipino/a blogs. i just wanted to know how one’s blog can be included in the search engines since i see a lot of blog sites when i type “blog.com”. then i tried to find a friendly sounding blog site whose owner i hoped would be patient enough to answer my question. and voila! there was your blog which caught my attention since you announced you are a pinay. i am glad i found it, serendipity at its finest! you are an alumna of st. paul too! i wanted to communicate with you soonest. i was just wondering you havent mentioned our alma mater in your response.

i love to write and read and watch my favorite tv shows and movies but i think i havent mastered my time management skills to be able to do all these things. i hope to have the confidence you project in your writings. you seem to have an enviable control of your life. it feels good to know you, even only in cyberspace. i pray for your continued abundant health and happiness and those of your loved ones. – Leen-Leen

My response:  Time management is an alien concept to me, more so now that motherhood has me wishing there were 36 hours in a day!  (More so when blogging takes up a chunk of my time.. but just can’t keep away..)  Confidence — I just speak my mind out.  I do edit myself sometimes but I treat this blog as my personal sounding board, so not that I have a devil-may-care attitude about who gets hit with what I write, but I do speak as frankly as I can. 

If I have given you the impression that I am in control of my life as you had written above, let me just point out that I don’t believe I am — I just go with the flow better than most people.  I guess it’s the spontaneous side of me.  At 39, I’ve come to realize that not everything is within my control.  To paraphrase a well-known prayer– (Lord,) I try to change the things I can change, accept the things I cannot and I pray that early on, I find the wisdom to know the difference. 

I don’t know if it’s age or just the lessons of life which have taught me that rather than try to control things, I would do better to deal and cope with things.  There is much that we can make happen if we put our minds to it, but that is only possible if we are able to pull our resources together and if we can adjust to what is there for the taking.  Like I am in what is supposed to be one of the best cities in the world, yet my heart keeps pulling me back to Manila.  But I have long accepted the fact that this is my world now — and this is where I will raise my son.  I may not have control over what happens to him outside the four walls of my home, but I can prepare him for that as best I can.

Don’t I wish I could spend a month in Paris — but I can only alot 4 days because I cannot bear to be away from my son longer than that, and to stay away longer might mean a major struggle for my Mom who will be left in New York to take care of him.  I have Bill Clinton’s MY LIFE, Queen Noor’s autobiography and at least a half dozen other reads waiting for me on my book shelf– (I never even went beyond chapter 3 or 4 of Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell!)  Movies need to be planned — I haven’t even watched the VCD of Mano Po 3 (My Love) which has been collecting dust by the DVD player..

So many things I want to do but just can’t seem to do — but I try not to sweat it.  If it gets done, it gets done.. some things are just beyond my control.

 

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