August 31, 2006 – Pinay New Yorker

Most people think I’m the eldest in a brood of four. I’m actually the second child of 5, because I have an elder brother who died at birth. Four years my senior, my parents had named him Silvano. Tomorrow would’ve been his 44th birthday.

All I have of Kuya are the pictures showing him in his tiny white casket. One picture shows my Dad looking down at him in grief. He would’ve been a very handsome boy. He had the fine features of my brother Abril but more doll-like.

There was a very vivid dream from a long time ago where I “saw” Kuya alive.. all grown up, older than me, walking what looked like a college campus stairwell, talking to me. I had cried while talking to him because I knew he was dead, but there he was, in front of me. I don’t remember the circumstances in my world then, or when exactly that was — I just remember the feeling. It has never left me.

It reaffirmed a bond I had really never forgotten although he was never physically a part of my world.

Sometimes I can’t help but think how different my world would’ve been if he had been around. I wouldn’t have had to take up the cudgels of being the eldest child. I would’ve had someone to “fear” or be wary of, so many what ifs that will forever be just points to speculate about.

I never knew him yet feel I know him so well. Happy 44th birthday, Kuya..

I have been so busy scrapping I haven’t been blogging. I usually work on my layouts during my spare time and uploading them until I see the clock striking midnight. Talk about being inspired!

I am probably 15% along the way to finishing my Paris Scrapbook. I just realized today that I now have over 40 layouts since I started doing digital scrapbook layouts last week of July (of which a mere 4 pages are Paris related. I haven’t uploaded the rest yet.) That’s not bad considering I am averaging 1 a day (although I work on around 2-4 a day in reality). I’ve been trying to maximize the 4-layout maximum for the RAKScraps.com of which I am an active member of. I am not even attempting to create my own scrapbook kits — just creating the layouts is eating up all my free time.

I discovered another Scrapping site which is full of freebies for digital scrappers who prefer to get their stuff free like me — check out ScrapArtist.com. Both RAKScraps and ScrapArtist require registration for you to be able to utilize their freebie privileges, but it’s definitely worth it.

My reading has been “frozen” because I keep forgetting the book in the office. (So I took it earlier and put it in my laptop bag so that I won’t forget it this time..) I have been staring at MY LIFE (Bill Clinton) sitting on the edge of my breakfast counter for a week now. I know, I know.. I will open it tonight and read the preface or foreword at least. John Grisham has a new release coming out soon entitled THE INNOCENT MAN. This is supposedly his first non-fiction book so it should be interesting. Slated for a Fall 2006 release, I can’t wait to get my copy and read his latest.

The constant rain has been a dampener. My Mom made an observation that it is only here that she has seen such a fine mist instead of our usual ambon. You can actually see and feel it but you’re not really getting wet. We’ve been having a lot of that lately and I’m gearing up for the supposed after effects of a storm getting near us.

We’ll probably just stay home. It’s really too soon to plan anything. Meanwhile, I’ve spent the majority of my evening scrapping away (again). I’m just so into it these days, it’s addicting. Much like writing helps you to express yourself and put your thoughts into words — scrapbooking is helping give vent to my creativity. And there will always be projects and more projects…