Beginning another day

I should be rushing out of the house because the boss is in today.  I figure I have a minute or two to type up something here. I already have our breakfast ready, Mom took care of Angel’s. I made Alan a ham and egg sandwich.  I had a donut.  Later tonight I have to rush home again to make dinner, give my baby a bath, and then prepare tomorrow’s coffee before I do anything for myself.  Everyday, that is what I do.

I would love to linger in the city.. go window-shopping.. have a drink with a friend.. (which is rare).. but I don’t, because I have people waiting on me for dinner.. and my baby needs his bath.  I cherish that special time he and I share in the tub, and later when he starts winding down for the day, we have our Mother-and-son talk.  Sometimes we get to play and tumble on the floor.. when I get home early enough, that is.

Oh, and did I mention that in between all that I actually have a day job? =) 

Sometimes it’s hard when you have to go home to a place where there is someone who disrespects you — in your own home.  And you have to prepare dinner with that person in mind and he decides to forego dinner because he is avoiding sitting next to his Dad in the dinner table.  Or later on you find out the gallon of milk you just bought the other day seems to have mysteriously spilled or disappeared and you have to go buy a gallon and lug it from the grocery all the way home at the end of the day.

Then you get a call that your hubby is going to be late, having a drink with his officemates.. or attending this or that function.  It makes me feel alone in dealing with my chores, with the family. 

I want to be understanding that he needs a break from the stress and tension in the house.  What I cannot understand is why he leaves me alone to deal with that stress and tension, on top of my chores.  And if he can do it twice a week, I can’t even do it once.. so maybe I ought to spend an evening by myself just to get away from it all.

Sometimes I feel like I’m a zombie walking through my own home.  Angelo is the only one who grounds me.  He gives me the inspiration to go trudging on even as I find myself still puttering in the kitchen an hour to midnight.  He is the reason I rush home despite it all, because his smile, his hug and his kiss is precious beyond anything.

Other people have worse.  I know that.  But someone told me not too long ago that I must never settle for less.  I am a very vocal person and you will hear what I feel and what I am thinking — and then I hear I should be happy because others are worse off.  But I am not.  A deep sadneses is forming in my heart which is like a blanket of darkness on top of me.  Maybe that’s what caused the tears last night.. time to go to work.. again.

 

Planning this trip and that

With my travel plans beginning to firm up for that Thanksgiving trip back to Paris, I have been trying to plan out my itinerary.  For starters, we’ve decided to forego Lourdes for another time when we have more time to travel together.  Although I am staying almost a week and Alan is staying a week and a half, he starts working on the fourth day we’re there.  

I’ve started to do research on the town of Chartres as per a fellow Paulinian’s suggestion, and I found out that France’s largest cathedral is actually located in this town of 42,000.  Just an hour away by train and the round trip costing around Euro25 (I’ve done a mock itinerary already), I have decided I will do a day trip on my own that Monday.

I googled Chartres and came across this James Martin’s website on About.com which gave me a good bird’s eye view of the place.  I then moved on to Fodors.com (my favorite travel website) to do further research and was momentarily distracted by their endorsement of San Francisco as Fodor’s Choice.  I have actually never been to San Francisco.  I keep saying maybe next time when Alan’s hotel sends him there again — but with scarcely any vacation days left due to the trip to Manila during their summer, I have to be very picky about where I use those days off.  So maybe next year.  I was hoping to do it while Mom’s here so we can visit some relatives there, but that would mean bringing Angel along, and that’ll be four of us traveling.   Hmmmm.. maybe when it starts to get warmer next year.  As it is, Mom is already wary of venturing out of our home here because it’s started to get colder.

But back to Chartres..  It’s a trip I would love to do on my own, spending some “me” time without the Dad or the little tyke.  I will certainly grab some stamps to put on the postcards I will send home to Angel.. not just for my collection, but more importantly, to give him a photo essay of the good times we had with and without him.  Someday, I hope those postcards and the pictures we are taking will inspire him to dream of bigger things and instill in him an openness to the world at large.  Seeing and experiencing the world beyond what we are accustomed to does wonders for our own perspective — and it helps mold our tolerance for the difference between the many countries and types of people out there.

We’re also doing the Day with Thomas (the tank engine) trip to Connecticut… so many things to plan.. and plan.. and plan..

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