I should be rushing out of the house because the boss is in today. I figure I have a minute or two to type up something here. I already have our breakfast ready, Mom took care of Angel’s. I made Alan a ham and egg sandwich. I had a donut. Later tonight I have to rush home again to make dinner, give my baby a bath, and then prepare tomorrow’s coffee before I do anything for myself. Everyday, that is what I do.
I would love to linger in the city.. go window-shopping.. have a drink with a friend.. (which is rare).. but I don’t, because I have people waiting on me for dinner.. and my baby needs his bath. I cherish that special time he and I share in the tub, and later when he starts winding down for the day, we have our Mother-and-son talk. Sometimes we get to play and tumble on the floor.. when I get home early enough, that is.
Oh, and did I mention that in between all that I actually have a day job? =)
Sometimes it’s hard when you have to go home to a place where there is someone who disrespects you — in your own home. And you have to prepare dinner with that person in mind and he decides to forego dinner because he is avoiding sitting next to his Dad in the dinner table. Or later on you find out the gallon of milk you just bought the other day seems to have mysteriously spilled or disappeared and you have to go buy a gallon and lug it from the grocery all the way home at the end of the day.
Then you get a call that your hubby is going to be late, having a drink with his officemates.. or attending this or that function. It makes me feel alone in dealing with my chores, with the family.
I want to be understanding that he needs a break from the stress and tension in the house. What I cannot understand is why he leaves me alone to deal with that stress and tension, on top of my chores. And if he can do it twice a week, I can’t even do it once.. so maybe I ought to spend an evening by myself just to get away from it all.
Sometimes I feel like I’m a zombie walking through my own home. Angelo is the only one who grounds me. He gives me the inspiration to go trudging on even as I find myself still puttering in the kitchen an hour to midnight. He is the reason I rush home despite it all, because his smile, his hug and his kiss is precious beyond anything.
Other people have worse. I know that. But someone told me not too long ago that I must never settle for less. I am a very vocal person and you will hear what I feel and what I am thinking — and then I hear I should be happy because others are worse off. But I am not. A deep sadneses is forming in my heart which is like a blanket of darkness on top of me. Maybe that’s what caused the tears last night.. time to go to work.. again.