Beginning another day

I should be rushing out of the house because the boss is in today.  I figure I have a minute or two to type up something here. I already have our breakfast ready, Mom took care of Angel’s. I made Alan a ham and egg sandwich.  I had a donut.  Later tonight I have to rush home again to make dinner, give my baby a bath, and then prepare tomorrow’s coffee before I do anything for myself.  Everyday, that is what I do.

I would love to linger in the city.. go window-shopping.. have a drink with a friend.. (which is rare).. but I don’t, because I have people waiting on me for dinner.. and my baby needs his bath.  I cherish that special time he and I share in the tub, and later when he starts winding down for the day, we have our Mother-and-son talk.  Sometimes we get to play and tumble on the floor.. when I get home early enough, that is.

Oh, and did I mention that in between all that I actually have a day job? =) 

Sometimes it’s hard when you have to go home to a place where there is someone who disrespects you — in your own home.  And you have to prepare dinner with that person in mind and he decides to forego dinner because he is avoiding sitting next to his Dad in the dinner table.  Or later on you find out the gallon of milk you just bought the other day seems to have mysteriously spilled or disappeared and you have to go buy a gallon and lug it from the grocery all the way home at the end of the day.

Then you get a call that your hubby is going to be late, having a drink with his officemates.. or attending this or that function.  It makes me feel alone in dealing with my chores, with the family. 

I want to be understanding that he needs a break from the stress and tension in the house.  What I cannot understand is why he leaves me alone to deal with that stress and tension, on top of my chores.  And if he can do it twice a week, I can’t even do it once.. so maybe I ought to spend an evening by myself just to get away from it all.

Sometimes I feel like I’m a zombie walking through my own home.  Angelo is the only one who grounds me.  He gives me the inspiration to go trudging on even as I find myself still puttering in the kitchen an hour to midnight.  He is the reason I rush home despite it all, because his smile, his hug and his kiss is precious beyond anything.

Other people have worse.  I know that.  But someone told me not too long ago that I must never settle for less.  I am a very vocal person and you will hear what I feel and what I am thinking — and then I hear I should be happy because others are worse off.  But I am not.  A deep sadneses is forming in my heart which is like a blanket of darkness on top of me.  Maybe that’s what caused the tears last night.. time to go to work.. again.

 

0 thoughts on “Beginning another day

  1. Lani D.

    Take care of yourself first coz you won’t be good to anybody else if you are feeling these way.
    Talk to him and tell him how you feel.
    Take it easy…

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  2. Dinna, you really need that time for yourself in Paris. Go and take that trip to Chartres – you’ll have plenty of time to reflect and contemplate, take time to enjoy its beauty. Or even if you are by yourself, just walk around Paris, watch people. I love greeting other kababayans when I’m out of the country, getting to know them a little better, they really appreciate that someone show some interest on what they do and how they are doing.

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  3. jeannie

    soyez forte !!!!! you seems to me a very determined and strong woman. as it goes in french ” c’est la vie”. down moments is tough to dwell with and we tend to forget the positive side.
    the stepson will learn his own lessons, time will come . Focus on your sweet child ; your job ; your own family and don’t forget to spare time for yourself.
    I am confident that you can make it to your best.
    I always love reading your page.
    keep it up and if you wish to visit paris then why not have a cup of coffe at “la duree”.
    By the way, I am from Baguio city .

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  4. Dinna

    Lani, we did talk and I feel better now. As he says, we have our ups and downs — but the important thing is that we are wherever we are together.

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  5. Dinna

    Lou, I am really excited about that one day adventure.. and yes, I always enjoy meeting kababayans, more so in places outside New York. One of the waiters who served us in one of the cafes at the Champs Elysees was actually Filipino.. there are even housekeeping staff in Alan’s hotel who are Filipino. And take this, the Executive Assistant of the Lucio Tan-like magnate who owns their hotel is actually a Filipina. We take pride in their being part of the company, and Alan always makes it a point to greet them with “Kamusta?” ..

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  6. Dinna

    Jeannie — let’s make it a date at the Laduree Salon de Te along Champs Elysees. Alan and I will be staying near the Opera the first half of our stay but we should be at their other hotel at the Champs Elysees by the start of the week. We can meet then.. thank you so much for stopping by..

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  7. Hi Dinna, glad you had a talk with your hubby na. I was about to tell you the same thing as Lani but I’m pretty sure that you have already done that. I see you as a pretty strong-willed woman and I have no doubt in my mind that you will let him know what you feel. And thanks in advance for the CDs! 🙂

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