October 13, 2009 – Pinay New Yorker

It’s a muggy day in Manhattan today. No matter — we’re celebrating Alan’s birthday, which, per our tradition is another week-long celebration. So I started my day by giving thanks. We had to detour through 3rd Avenue due to heavy construction along our usual route to Avenue of the Americas, so I had Alan drop me off at St. Agnes Parish on 43rd Street.

I sat down and I just listened to the solemn chanting. I said “Thank you, Lord” and I just kept still and listened. I have learned that prayer doesn’t have to be about words. There is always so much that can be said even when you are not saying anything. I felt my chest tighten as I recalled how just a few months back, I sat there crying my heart out just seeking comfort. I asked a question and got my answer. I looked around me and saw a handful of people deep in conversation with their God. I prayed for them as well.

I regret that I don’t do this more often. I am sure Jesus feels like a neglected friend. For someone who prides herself as one loyal friend to those whom I count as such, I feel bad that I have been remiss.

I looked around and felt recharged — and I hied off to start my day. Off to the Grand Central Market to cut through to 42nd Street to catch a bus to my side of Midtown. I couldn’t help it — I grabbed a caramel nut bar from my favorite chocolatier, Lilac. I walked down Grand Central but did not stop to take photographs like I’m wont to do whenever I find myself here. I have things waiting for me to be done back in the office, so I resisted the temptation to stay and linger. A quick stop at Papyrus was an excercise in futility — despite their finely crafted cards, they missed out on snagging the likes of Amanda Bradley whose prose had conveyed our sentiments via Hallmark cards for as long as I can remember. When the words we write cannot fully express what we mean in our hearts, there’s always a Hallmark card.

There was a time in my life when I wrote what, for me, were poems. I wrote a series I called “Prayers in Prose” which were essentially conversations with my God. It has been ages since inspiration visited so I haven’t had any recent works. I now write spontaneously here in my corner of the blogsphere. But on this day I just want to say Thank you for the blessings that have sustained me through to this day. I look out the window towards Midtown Manhattan and I see the sun peeking out. Hope springs eternal — even in the darkness, there is always the promise of a new day. So I close my eyes and I take a deep breath and I smile to the Heavens.. “Thank you, Lord, for all that you have brought into my life.. my happiness and strength all lie in You.”

Written yesterday, Monday, 12October2009 – Columbus Day:

I’ve been home for the last 5 hours alone — I had come rushing from the neighborhood McDonald’s with his favorite McNuggets in tow and I was panicked to find the house empty. Silly me, I know I should have looked for a note from my mother-in-law, and there it was on top of the TV. “Angelo is with me. I have an appointment with my foot doctor.”

So I frantically dialed Alan and asked him if he knew of Mom’s appointment (which he apparently did), because I would not have gone to the city to do errands had I known! Or I would’ve stuck to my original plan to take the tyke with me to catch glimpses of the Columbus Day Parade down Fifth Avenue, or to take a quick peek into one of our favorite museums in Manhattan.

I waited.. and waited. Alas, my stomach only held out until 3:30pm, and I had to have my lunch. I’m still waiting and he isn’t home yet. I’m guessing his other grandma decided to bring him and his Lola to their house which is not that far from where we are. The scent of the McNuggets doesn’t help. I already put his favorite plain sundae in the freezer because it was beginning to melt on me.

I wish he would come bounding up the stairs any minute now — I had purposely stayed home (at least meant to) to be able to keep him company since they had no school today. I guess I am no longer used to a silent house. For five years, there was always something happening or the TV was always humming whether I was busy puttering around in the kitchen or just doing “my stuff” on the sofa or some other corner of our little nest.

He’ll be home soon enough.