One month now

I started writing this post while I was in the shower, getting ready to end what has been a rather productive day.  We repainted the bedroom a warm shade of red brown.  The blue tape still adorns the ceiling and the window sill as we’re postponing doing the finishing next weekend.  (Truth is, we ran out of paint..)  I really like how the room is now cozier, even if the darker walls now make the ceiling light look a tad bit dimmer than it used to be.

Like most projects, this one entailed a lot of pulling and tugging between Alan and I.  Well, we managed to survive the day mutually feeling mighty proud of ourselves.  For less than $100, we did a pretty good job of giving our bedroom a new look without making too much of a mess.  I am usually not as enthusiastic about projects like this because I know it means doing majority of the prep work.  I tried getting an early start, but my foreman was still trying to get in gear by midday.  So I napped. 

I woke up in time for lunch, and feeling a little grumpy because I felt we wasted the morning away.  I pulled back and figured I’d just go with the flow.  (Don’t sweat the small stuff, I reminded myself.)  And I’m closing my Sunday thinking the same thing.

So Angelo didn’t get confirmed for the back up childcare tomorrow (and Tuesday) — he can stay home which he just loves!  The boy is on autopilot at home, as long as his lunch and snacks are handy.  I have food in the fridge and have the programmable coffee maker ready to  brew for tomorrow morning.

While the “Thank You” notes were not written, I have tomorrow.  I was doing pretty well until I realized it’s now a month since Dad passed.

Big sigh. 

I actually found some printouts of his pictures taken around 2005 by my reckoning.  I miss him dearly, and yet I get reminded of a double-edged sword ripping through me as I think about losing him and then I remember how his last days were.  The tears have stopped — at least for the meantime — but I still drift away to a blank space somewhere every now and then.  I’m still on my journey of grief but I’m moving on.