I remember my bestfriend, Fe, had related to me a comment by one of her dear friends, Roy, who had once said “It’s hard to be a Christian.” I agree. Sometimes, we know what is right and what we must do to be a good Christian, but it is a difficult choice to make because it is not easy.
Sometimes, giving in to anger is easier than holding it all in. Or perhaps it’s simply because we just don’t have the strength to hold it in anymore.
I know it sounds cliche-ish to say “We are only human”. But isn’t that the truth?
I don’t like getting angry because at my age, it drains me and saps me of energy. It’s beyond emotional because it now manifests itself physically. I shake, my head throbs, and when I calm down, I feel exhausted.
I remember when we were children, anger usually meant tears. It was a little girl’s frustration at not being able to do what she wanted, or at not getting what she needs. Remember that commercial where a boy hears the jingling bell of the ice cream vendor, as the mamang sorbetero passes in front of his house, and he tries in vain to run after him but alas fails to catch him for a favorite treat. You see the tears streaming down the boy’s face and the sheer anguish of it all — all because of the ice cream he was craving.
Now that we are grown up, we no longer cry when frustration creeps in. We keep it in or we lash out.
I don’t like doing that anymore. But again, I am not always successful in “keeping it in”.
So I’m flushed, my temperature — and probably my blood pressure — are up. I seek comfort in the familiar and in things I can do without further aggravating the situation. That’s why I’m here at this unusual hour.
When the chest pains come, I back down. Thank God there’s Angelo, there’s Alan.. and Fe and and friends like Roy who said that line totally unrelated to me that bring me back to calm.