Breathe

I knew it was coming but it hit me hard last night.  The hot-cold-hot-cold weather in the extremes this winter finally caught up with me.  I had to cut my conversation with Fe midway last night as I had a hard time talking.  All the sniffing the past few days have not helped either.  I was feverish as I lay down last night and my throat was killing me.  I simply wrapped my neck in another one of my trusty tubaos, downed some antibiotics, drank a ton of water and slept.  All the walking I had been doing of late during the day has also taken a toll on my lungs.  No matter how good you are at bundling up, the cold air hits it with a punch.  (Memories of braving a cold winter day two years ago when I snapped away at the Rockefeller Christmas tree..)

I have had asthma since I was a baby and have learned to cope with it.  I try not to take any asthma medications unless I literally cannot breathe anymore because of the finger tremors and the adrenalin it infuses my system with.  So I self medicate and deal with the symptoms.  (I know… not good.)  It is during these times when I appreciate each breath I take as precious.

I thought I’d be good today but I ended up walking towards Bryant Park first thing when I realized that I had arrived in the city just minutes after 8am.  No reason to rush to the 41st floor — Boss is travelling.  So I took the camera out and started snapping away, trying to learn how to swing the camera to take panoramic shots and just clicking for graphics for the blog.  I have always enjoyed just shooting pictures randomly and then going over whatever I have in the memory card for later use.  Of course I forgot that temps were under 40 degrees.  I was, after all wearing four layers of clothing (!) along with a silk and a knitted scarf and finally, a hat.

I didn’t get very far because of the cold.   Then after depositing my goods to the 41st floor, I remembered I had to get some throat spray which meant walking out again.  I have started a love affair with the cold winter air — as if I was praying for pneumonia. LOL

I would’ve gone to the bead stores but they were still all closed.  I picked up a few things at the nearest Duane Reade, got my throat spray and I don’t know what possessed me when this bottle of nail polish seemed to call out my name.  Pompeii Purple by OPI.  I don’t normally purchase nail polish because I have quite a stash from Watson’s and Landmark from Manila, but this was just irresistible.  I think it’s my half-lucid brain wandering off — sort of a semi-insane moment brought on by the lack of oxygen thanks to the asthma.  It’s a metallic fuschia pink, actually, so I don’t know where the purple happens to be.  I tend to go for make up or anything to pretty myself up during times when I feel like a much-needed boost in the cheer department.  Looking at my now painted nails as I type away, I’m actually soooo happy I took the bottle.  (Shallow thrills..)

Lunch time was a done deal.  I hied off at 12nn and went straight for my pearl supplier — I can stay in these bead stores forever and just go up and down 6th avenue and 37, 38th and 39th streets and just browse, browse, browse.  My excursion to the stores today were not without purpose, though — my pearl earrings needed some help, and after an hour of browsing and looking, I finally went up to my warm and cozy desk.

I know I tortured my lungs again but I had to keep busy.  It felt liberating to pull myself away from the computer for a change.  I had been sitting in front of it through lunch the last two months.  It was more for my sanity than anything else — hence I’ve been taking these “dates with myself” even if the air is stone cold.  Spring is just around the corner anyway.  Then maybe I’ll actually corner one of these tables in the park for a regular lunch outing when the air is warmer.

We’re getting some rain between today and the weekend.  I guess that’ll limit my strolls around, but I comfort myself with the thought that the park is not going anywhere.  I actually like exploring it when it’s all wet and not so full or near-empty because then, it’s easier to take pictures.  Then, the park is all mine.

I took another deep breath at that thought.  My chest is still heavy with that knot, and now my breathing is more audible but no discernible wheezing yet.  I just feel it inside.  Sometimes the exercise of exerting energy to take air in can be cleansing, too, at least until any accompanying pain reminds me I’m actually toying with my asthma again.

I’m excited to start creating again — if I actually find the energy to take my pliers in hand again and create something tonight, that is.  I haven’t really done that since I arrived from Manila.  (!)  The vacillation is really between creating more and just storing everything away.  The asthma doesn’t help, but with the long weekend up ahead, I might actually get something done.  The pearl dust gets me worried but I’ll live.  I’ve worked with my goodies before when I was in a worse condition.  I just need to keep busy.

I can feel my sinews getting tight again, and my back is heavy.  Have to head home but the eyes are burning.  I guess I just have to remember to breathe..