Hits and misses

My Altered Book: Layout in Progress: HAPPINESS Multi page layout

This is the current layout I’m working on and as you can see, it is far from finished.  There are some mishaps that need correcting (like my “H” seems a little wobbly and will need some “beefing up”), and I might have made a mistake painting the panel across “S” in red in the same color.  Of course I can always cut out that portion that is not agreeing with the final look I have in mind so I can have the last “S” in bright yellow green over a different final background.  (I know I am making sense only to myself.)

I wanted to take a photo of the layouts uncut but I got too excited and cut it up over lunch today.  =(  I haven’t been good with the updates, but the other layouts have come out rather nicely.  I have the photos, I just haven’t had the time to write a blog post. 

The boy, for one, has sequestered my laptop over the weekend (since it was a long weekend because of Columbus Day today), and while I like typing on the iPad with my Zagfolio keyboard, it isn’t quite the same.  I have gotten used to editing pictures straight from my memory card, uploading to my Flickr account, then posting it as a graphic here, and no matter how others rave over the tablets, I still think they work best in helping us enjoy what’s online, but creating and pulling things together require more than they can offer.

I have proudly finished five ATCs (Artist Trading Cards) but I failed to take into account that today is a holiday — hence, no post office.  I dropped them off at the mailbox anyway, hoping to send them off on their merry way.  And I picked up some beautiful Yuzen Origami sheets for some Oriental ATCs due on Wednesday, and try as I might to find a suitable origami geisha or kimono doll tutorial, I am leaning towards doing a simple collage.  Sometimes I wonder if I’m in over my head with the swaps I’ve signed up for over at Swap-bot, but save for one major mistake in my pea-brained misunderstanding of instructions for one swap, I’ve been having a blast.

In fact, I got a surprise message today from a swap-partner-to-be for one of the ones I signed up for who appears to be reader number 8 of my blog.  It was one of those simple messages that made me smile and almost want to jump up and down for joy and do a happy dance.  Small world.. I did warn her, though, that she might have the wrong blog. (I thought I only had 7 readers.)  But the truth of the matter is, I am so amazed at what a small world this is for us to have actually bumped into each other on Swap-bot.  See, my blog is identified in my profile, and swap etiquette dictates that one should check out the profiles of the people you are sending out to to make it an extra special swap by taking into consideration what they want and don’t want.  And she found me.. or rather, we got assigned to be swap partners. =)

Sunny but cold Monday

Our temperatures dropped and did they drop over the weekend, so much so that tourists hoping to go around wearing shorts will surely double back to their hotels and change to something warmer.  Still light coat weather, but definitely not a “t-shirt and shorts” kind of New York. 

I left the house without eating breakfast as I was in a rush, and although I don’t normally walk out of the building to grab a bagel once I’ve settled up on my perch 41 storeys above street-level, but today, I just had to have a(nother) bagel and walk down I did.

Today is Columbus Day and school’s out (so my little guy is home busy with my laptop), but not all companies observe the holiday so I’m at work.  Which is just fine.  The weekend saw me anxiously thinking my way around a situation at work where one of my boss’s direct reports is constantly trying to throw me under the bus.  Subtlety is not one of his strongest suites, and I’m beginning to think the point is to make it known that he’s not a happy camper.  Neither am I.  I normally would sweep this under the rug and shrug it off, but this one stuck with me all weekend, and it’s just not worth going back to next weekend.. I was thinking about it while I was washing the dishes.. painting my Altered Book backgrounds.. doing my Artist Trading Cards.  Well, that and a host of other thoughts.

While I had a fun time being productive with my Altered Book (more or less 20 pages painted!) and finishing up 5 ATCs for swapping, sometimes I hate that my mind quiets down just enough to let heavy thoughts come in.  Like I think about the bestfriend I used to talk to practically all our waking hours but who I haven’t spoken with for the last three months or so.. one day she nonchallantly blurts out that I have always been known to be one who couldn’t keep a secret.  I am not mad but that put a chasm between us that I think is best left alone for now.  Like I told her then, there are too many years between us for me to go back to each one and account for my slip ups.  I didn’t realize that hurt was so deep — given the way she let it out.  So I apologized for all of them, and then stepped back.

I thought about the other friend who told me that I didn’t have to do anything –that things would fall into place — and how now, even if they didn’t fall into place the way I thought they would, they did.  Where that thought would normally elicit relief or a smile, that thought still jabs at my heart for my own failings.  Sometimes we literally stumble and fall and just cannot get up.  And eventually we accept that there are things that we never get up from.  There are transgressions that you pay for to your last breath.

I think about work.. and then I remember a recruiter called me last Friday.  =)  That thought made me smile.  And this morning I saw an e-mail from one of my young friends in  Manila — someone I bumped into quite by accident when I saw his blog after googling something for a translation.  The young have so much to share and inspire us with.  Like this young man who continues to try and go against the odds — now a freshman in the College of Medicine back in UP Manila.  He looks to me for sisterly advice but he doesn’t know his own day-to-day triumphs serve as an inspiration to me as I remember those days I braved law school against all odds.  Sometimes when we are reminded of our past struggles, we find renewed strength in remembering how we overcame then as we go about our day-to-day living now.

I miss my Mom.   I always do — but sometimes I miss her more than normal.  Like now.

Time for me to get back to work.  Another day.. another week..