Sometimes we set our minds on a long-term goal and work our hardest towards it — planning, starting to set things in motion, setting our sights on a vision or a dream. Then somewhere along the way, despite our determination, we are forced to switch gears. Maybe because our circumstances changed, or things just didn’t fall into place as we had thought they would.
Then we realize they did fall into place, and much as it turned out totally different from what we thought early on it would be, we switch gears, we adapt.
We bow our heads in guilt and shame and just accept that we were wrong. It is not always easy. Sometimes it feels like it will be a forever struggle that we must mask with a smile, and an unrelenting effort to focus on the happy. Forgiveness is scarce — forgiving others as much as forgiving ourselves can be such a challenge.
Sometimes people just disappear or let go — and try as we might to call them back, even the staunchest of hearts eventually accepts the reality that sometimes, you really have to just accept that it is what it is. So again you switch gears.
You learn to work things out alone. The chatter dies down. The pain remains, but the whispering stops. And with the silence, somehow the pain starts to have a numb edge. It doesn’t go, but it transforms itself to a lump instead of a blade the keeps cutting your soul to pieces.
Then you switch gears yet again.