I had originally written this post long-hand for my Shared Journal Experiment swap, photocopied the pages before sending off the journal and then misplaced the photocopies. Hence, the delay in posting..
1. Motherhood. (A common theme in everything about me.) I married late (age 34) and suffered 2 miscarraiges before my son was born when I was 37. Maybe I would have had more children if I married younger, but I am happy with my number one guy, Angelo. He is, literally, the light of my world.
People always say that parenthood changed the way one looks at life, and I cannot agree more. For the last 8 1/2 years, my world has been rocked by this little tyke who brings out the best in me. His very presence makes the world a brighter and better place. He is my anchor. Because of him, I know I can go on and on and on. (Like the energizer bunny.)
I never thought I would end up raising a family here in the US. I had grown up in Manila where we had nannies and house help. Here in the US, I did it all by myself after my mom returned to Manila when Angelo turned three.
We do homework, I cook dinner, bathe him and tuck him to bed. I pull together snacks and do homework checking before he leaves for school. I am very hands-on, although not by choice. If we were in Manila, I’d have help. But I cherish the thought that I know every inch of his body. So when I see a bruise or a scratch, I know. Even if it means getting all exhausted at the end of the day, his hugs, kisses and profession of love are more than worth it.
Seeing him very good-antured and always cheerful is comforting because I know that when he grows up, he’ll be fine even when his Dad and I are gone. I want to show him how to be a good parent so that hopefully, he’ll be the same if not better when he has his own family.
Motherhood has given me purpose. I try to give it my best but I know I am far from perfect. We always say we try to be better than our parents were, but I cherish the lessons in parenting that my parents taught me as a daughter. They weren’t perfect either, but they tried very hard, and I owe them who I am today. I don’t look back at the pain, I look back at what I am today and I know I’ve made them proud.
I hope my son will say the same thing when he is older.
2. Writing. I have always loved to write. Even in grade school, I wrote stories and dialogue in an unstructured way. I wrote tons of poetry until around 12-15 years ago.
Even when I worked, I wrote press releases and materials which saw print, but never under my byline because they were treated as generic press releases. I ghost-wrote articles and always dreamt of seeing myself published.
On the personal side, I have always longed to write my stories — that is why I blog. I am being tempted to write to earn off my space on the blogsphere, but I’ve noticed it loses the character of my tone. It’s not the same.
Words have always come easy to me. I write spontaneously but I do edit along the way. I don’t overthink my writing — much of it comes from the gut.
I am hoping to get a writing project off the ground sometime in this lifetime to write profiles for 100 ordinary people I’m entitling “100 voices”. It was originally supposed to be a joint effort with my BFF who writes well, too, but that idea fizzled out. But I still want to write it. I want it to be about ordinary people. The bagel vendor at my corner.. the maintenance guy.. the barrista at my coffee place, etc. Like me, everyone has a story.
I’ve done bios and write ups about people so many times in my previous life, but I want this to be a different slant. I want it to be about something different that makes us unique from one another.
Maybe one day.. The thought that I am still thinking about it gives me hope that I will get to do it — as I said, in this lifetime. I hope to come up with stories that touch others the same way other stories have touched me.
I go more for the non-fiction type of writing because that is what I do. I marvel at the fertile imagination other writers display and I have never really gone that route because I am afraid that my ideas might just end up copying others and then the comparison would be made. (One fear I have is that my work will always have a “better” to its “mediocre”.)
I can go on and on and on … writing is my best outlet and form of expression. Even song-writing, once upon a time. But that would take forever to write about again.
3. Crafts. My top three passions were not difficult to narrow down, but I just hope I’m not sounding all self-centered because I don’t have a cause I’m championing. I am after the greater good, and I believe that starting off with a better “Me” will lead to a better world.
I’ve always been doing crafts when I wasn’t writing. So I’m grateful to Swap-bot because they got me into Artist Trading Cards (ATCs), Mail art< zines and now journals.
I also continue to try and get better at my jewelry making although I am far from being an artisan. I always say I’m a crafter more than I am an artist. I’ve been making jewelry for almost 4 years now and I see a marked improvement in the design and style of my crafting. It’s a never-ending learning process for one. (PERSONAL MANTRA: I learn something new everyday!)
I resisted polymer clay for the longest time but now it’s one of my favorite crafting materials to work with. I also like experimenting with other materials and look to crafting not just as a form of relaxation but a way to create for myself and earn as well. I usually create pieces and wear them to see the kind of reactions the pieces get.
Motherhood, writing and crafts. They keep me forever on my toes, and I hope they’ll help me to grow old graciously and whole. These are the things I pursue with a passion that stay with me whatever my state of mind is, or whatever challenges come and go. They have stayed with me through the years, and all, except motherhood, have been part of my entire life.
Pinay New Yorker 