I wish to be remembered as :
…a good mother. 75% of my life revolves around this one human being who has made such a huge difference in my life. My anchor, my one big love, the reason I’m still around no matter what. I hope when that day comes he will celebrate that special bond he and I share, and will continue to share until I breathe my last. Funny, but sometimes as we fool around, he pretends like he’s been shot and in the throes of death and he will start closing his eyes and speak in a weak voice saying “Tell my mother I love her..”and he’d play dead. Then open his eyes again and utter another line. (He’s a funny boy, what can I say?)
… someone who had a way with words. Words have always been a precious means to express my thoughts and feelings and have been my solace and reward through the years. Others do it with pictures, I do it with words. I hope that someone will remember me for that when I am long gone, published or not.
…a good and loyal friend. Some of my dearest friendships have been tested through time and others have succumbed to the age-old fact of “growing apart”. I hope that my friends will be kind and remember the good and not the bad.. because for those who count as one of the few true friends I have, I have tried to chalk up more “good” than otherwise.
…someone who lived her life to the fullest. Even now I encounter people who say “sana”. (I am hard pressed to find a literal translation to this beyond “I wish I did..”) I have my own “I wish I did..” lists which fall under the category of “what ifs” but I have found that “what-might-have-been”s are part of what is unreal — it’s a thought.. that’s all that is. No sense in dwelling on thoughts when you have reality unfolding. So I live my “now” the way I’d like to live it within the boundaries of what is possible and doable. I tried to break out of my boundaries and fell flat on my face — so lesson learned there. There are always boundaries that we set or are set for us — but having those boundaries does not stop us from living life as we want to.
I craft, I draw (even if I’m not an artist) and I try to express myself in words. I write here on this blog with a shameless declaration that whatever I write here is meant for my own selfish benefit. (I like seeing my words on print, for one.) I tried.. I continue to try and I will die trying.
Life has been good to me. I always try to appreciate the good instead of dwelling on the pain. I remind myself every day that every morning I wake up is a new gift I must be thankful for.
…someone who was kind and who had a good heart. I know that I am far from perfect — I have a bad temper, I can be really messy (always surrounded by creative chaos), very stubborn– I am human — but I’d like to believe that I try to live my life with the same tenets I’m trying to teach Angelo. I hope that I’ll be remembered for having had A heart — and a good one at that.