I’ve been spending most of my morning shooting off emails, parrying blows, clarifying requests, being the peacemaker, and basically telling everyone they should all calm down and read their e-mails before reacting. I don’t mind doing it on a piecemeal basis, but when it’s a barrage, it gets really tiring. And while I can write a good business e-mail, I think it’s beyond my job description to actually explain things to people earning twice as much as I do. (Okay, maybe just 150% of what I make..)
In a previous lifetime, I had gotten used to doing my job based on what I can do and not what I’m expected to do and what I was paid to do — I always went the extra mile. Back home in the Philippines, there was always that unseen force driving us to achieve and excel and shine. I don’t know if it’s age (me getting old) or just the culture (different that it’s similar) — or perhaps that I have changed my focus at work from “building a career” to “earning a paycheck”. I do my job, and I do it well, but I don’t bend backwards too much anymore. Where I would normally chime in and offer what I know or volunteer what I can do to help, I find myself just watching quietly like the proverbial fly on the wall. I will help if asked.
Apology made. Apology accepted.
Life is too complicated as it is for me dissect each and every fall or slap in the face. Is that me getting jaded? Perhaps. I think it’s more of my soul getting weary with each passing day. Some things you just have to LET GO. That phrase has been resonating in my heart the last few days.. LET IT GO.
I am not always successful in listening to the voice inside my head. And that can be a tad frustrating indeed. But I think I’m getting the hang of it and getting better at it. It is easier now to get over things — be it anger, sadness, or plain excitement. Faced with a disappointment, I look at it, try to understand it, and TRY not to go back to it.
I try and let it go.
Sometimes, I succeed and I DO let it go. There are still times, though, when I fail. And even then, I have to let it go.