I’m nocturnal. I’ve always functioned best at night. My best works have been produced in the evening. For some reason, my brain seems to be wired to work better when the sun is shining on the other side of the world.
Tonight, though, even that part of my nature can’t beat the physical exhaustion I feel. It’s something health-related — and I’m hoping it goes soon, but it’s one of those things you have to ride out. I’d like to write more here — I’d like to stay up later to keep editing my Book of Treasures Video, but I figure I can postpone publishing that until the end of the week.
My first priority is sending out my DECORATE A JOURNAL book tomorrow. (VERY, VERY LATE!) I had taken pictures as I created the cover, but I don’t have the energy to correct the photos, upload, and do the post. I’ll do it another time. I did, however, manage to touch up the photo of a postcard I sent out today. It was a doodled PC that made its way to the post office this afternoon.
I enjoy the swaps but I am almost afraid to admit I’m hitting a swap burnout. Then Maricar stops by (THANK YOU!) who is from the same swap group. =) It is always heartening to read comments. (Hint, hint, people!) I know people are stopping by, but no one is saying anything and that’s like talking to the wind, or talking to myself. (Of course, there’s Lou!) So maybe I won’t quit swapping even if only temporarily at all.. I’ll slow down to a crawl instead.
I’ve tried to cut down on most things. I’m hardly on Facebook these days (so if you actually need to reach me urgently, e-mail is best please.) I haven’ t browsed my usuall web haunts because I’ve come to the realization that I have to start looking to other places for my daily fix. Again, letting it go. Even when you get used to talking to the wind, it gets tiring when even the wind refuses to blow and answer back. Even when I think I understand, it still tires the heart to wait and not hear a thing. That’s more than a hint to go bark up another tree.
There have been a few things I’ve come across, too, which have made me realize that some things have been set in ways which I cannot fight or question, try as I might. It’s one of those questions you ask the universe and then you find the answer in a totally unrelated development which, by itself, has nothing to do with the question you asked. But it answered the question. It’s something that makes one say, “so that’s that.”
Is it human nature that makes us keep chasing that which hurts us in the hope that holding it again will make the pain go away? Or is it just plain stupidity? I don’t know. It might just be my colds, the fact that not enough oxygen seems to be making it up to my brain tonight, or the pain I’m feeling in my body which I must just ride out. Some things are better just left alone. Better to let it go. What is it that they say? This, too, shall pass.
Sometimes I find it hard to believe that — because there are pains that never go away. You just get better at living with them. You learn to live with your mistakes and you just walk with your head bowed down. You learn to accept the blows that life has dealt you, and you say again, that’s that.
People seem to like that I write with such honesty and brutal frankness here. Yet I have to admit I censor myself heavily most times. I have cautioned my younger blog friends to be careful with what and how they write because anything you put out there will always be there — forever. Notwithstanding hitting the delete and permanently delete button. In that sense, the web is like the human heart — it will find forgiveness, but it will not always have the blessing of forgetting.
I save much of my anger and hate, frustration and pain in a private place — although sometimes, some of it creeps out. I’m only human. And that’s that.
PS. If you read this far into this latest post, it would really mean a lot to me if you left me a quick comment — who is reading me from Greece? The UK? Who’s in Manila? (Definitely not my siblings who wouldn’t even know my URL if you asked them.)