I have a huge coat closet in the office which houses some coats and jackets and shoes on one side, and my boss’s personal fridge and our other sundries on another. With summer finally making its presence felt (almost 80 degrees today!) I dug into the my shoe rack to find a pair of flats that would be perfect for this warm weather. It was a pair that had hardly seen any wear during the winter months, so I had to go to a portion of the closet that had been covered by another big box.
When I opened the box, I found a stash of things I had bought a year ago which I had meant to send to someone celebrating a birthday. 4 bags of pistachio nuts, and maybe 10 bags of assorted flavors of beef jerky. There was also a rain coat. I remember now that some clothes I had put in that bag had been sent home to Manila to my sister eventually. The birthday had come and gone and these things had gotten stuck with me. I figured it was better off left in the closet, and I had ignored it the few times I remembered it was there. Today, though, I checked the expiration date of the pistachios and seeing that they were good until July, I opened a bag and I’m having them for a snack.
They freed up quite a space that I realize now had been misused all this time. I could’ve had the pistachios sooner.
But the pistachios were associated with something I had wanted to do back then which I no longer want to have anything to do with now. I pushed them to a place where I wouldn’t have to be bothered by the memories associated with them. For a time, I thought I’d eventually send them, but that time never came.
Little things have a way of occupying big spaces in our minds (and in our hearts) sometimes. Unlike the pistachios in my closet, though, they are not as easy to dispose of. But a lot of things have changed. I have noticed that focusing on other things is easier now. So it’s not as bothersome or painful as it used to be. Acceptance, or sometimes even hate and anger, are effective means of blocking such intangibles from crowding our heart. A “negative” will cancel out a “negative” and turn it into something “positive”.
What to do with the beef jerky now… That’ll have to wait another day.