Daily Prompt: Write up a mid-year “State of My Year” post.
First of all, this is NOT inspired nor related to P-Noy’s State of the Nation Address which has been front and center in Manila. The Daily Post put this up as it’s latest and greatest daily prompt and I thought I’d give it a shot.
I’ve been too busy to write of late. This is my third draft of a blog post (all three different topics) and I am hoping it sees the light of day. (Or of the blogsphere.). The current state of “Me” is “all over the place,” but in a good kind of way.
Today sees us officially halfway through the year, and although I don’t have any monumental news or milestones to report, I think I’ve done pretty good so far. I can definitely say I’m in a better place today compared to the same time period last year. But with the challenges that 2012 threw my way, anything past those very trying times qualifies as progress.
Of course there are always things we wish we did more of, or things I wish I had accomplished by now — little milestones or goals I had hoped to chalk up in my to-do list, but one of the lessons of the last year year is that lowering one’s expectations or not having any expectations at all is a big help in managing one’s outlook in life.
I’m happy to report that I finally finished Inferno: A Novel (Robert Langdon) by Dan Brown, and while I am tempted to write a blog post about the infamous mention of Manila in this novel, I’d rather hold off. I’m just happy to be able to list one book read at least although I wish I had the time and the energy to read more. I’m trying to get back to Grisham’s The Associate which hasn’t been quite the page turner so I’ve been going in an out to read it for a couple of months now. I still have a few e-books I really must get to soon, but I’m hoping to do that in the coming weeks. To make it easier, I’ve gotten back to my good old Kindle which has been easier to lug around.
Craft-wise, I’m taking things easy and trying to pace myself better. I am doing a project at a time and no longer stress about projects that have not gotten off the ground. They will when they will. Much as I had enjoyed Julie Fei-Fan Balzer’s Art Journal Every Day and my Altered Book project, I have put these on hold for now. I am trying to get my own “Journal on a Journey” on it’s way and hope to send out these journals before the year is out.
I’m back to polymer clay and enjoying it. I have been enjoying trying new things and researching and learning more about this medium and hope to come up with pieces to wear and sell soon. It helped that I had committed to make my niece, Andreanna Lux’s first birthday souvenir. (Read more about it here.)
On the business front, my attempts to revive my store, GothamChick on Etsy have been moving at a snail’s pace, and I’m trying to gear up for the holidays by focusing more on repopulating my listings and hopefully creating more. (Emphasis on “HOPEFULLY”.)
As for the state of this space on the blogsphere, I’m happy that I’m posting more regularly but hope to post more often. I wish I could get comfortable with just posting a picture with a blurb, but just as I am very outspoken, it’s a little difficult to just leave it at that.
Phew. That sounded like quite a list but the truth of the matter is, I’m just happy I’m here. I’m happy that I have what I have. I count my blessings just by looking at Angelo and hugging him, or by looking up at the sky as I walk out of the house to start yet another day of toil. Every day is a blessing whether it’s scorching hot, gloomily grey, or just gorgeous.
My year so far, to my mind, has been good. Nothing fantabulously great — nothing outstanding. “Good” is a good place to be. I’ve learned not to gripe or rant about the negative, because doing so would only magnify them and bring forth feelings not worth dwelling on.
It’s quieter. It’s simpler. The first 7 months of the year continue to be a time of growth and realization for me. One thing I like is that it’s helped me to get to know myself better.
Last year, I came to terms with many of my failings and shortcomings. I realized and accepted the many things I couldn’t do, and I saw those parts of “me” that I wasn’t. Some people walked out of my life — and I chose to make myself scarce from some. I’ve learned that there is really no holding on to people — the choice to come and go is always theirs to make, not mine. The only thing I really have control over is my own presence — so there were doors I walked out of, quietly.
I’m in a better place because these days, I can go back to a painful memory and push it into a far corner instead of allowing it to take me over. I don’t torture myself as much anymore because I’ve learned to lump the good and the bad and just tuck them away. I used to be deluded into thinking that you pick the good and keep it and discard the bad. But the truth of the matter is, they are intertwined. One eventually leads to the other. I flip a switch in my brain and I pull a black screen — much like those transition screens or slides we see signalling an end.
I am slowly coming to terms with my mortality. For the first time, a birthday hit me and I felt the years fall to the ground and the reality hit me that I am getting older. Not that it’s a bad thing. I just didn’t quite feel myself pegged to an age until I hit 47. “Life is short” has taken on a new meaning which hasn’t pushed me one way or the other, but which now looms overhead when I think about the things I want and hope to do. It hasn’t quite pushed me to do a bucket list — stepping back has meant going with the flow and just enjoying life as it comes. Lists tend to grab me by the neck and instead of motivating me, gives me a source of frustration. At my age, I can do with less of that.
I know that I will close the year an even better person than I started it. Notwithstanding the fact that I started at rock bottom, I know I could’ve stayed there and wallowed, but I chose not to.
Things have fallen into place, and I know this is my place because “here” is where I’ve chosen to be.