It’s been relatively quiet over the weekend. Nothing special or eventful — I did manage to recharge and rest. Even took a nap or two — the exhaustion of the previous week has caught up with me, and I’m ready for another round.
I continue with experimenting with my beads (rather unsuccessfully) — had some quiet home dinners of pizza and pasta. Had the time to work on my journal and dream of trips nearer to where I am. I am trying to find a place easily accessible by bus or train, yet near enough to allow a day trip/adventure on my own.
My entry today for my journal was a simple line — “We used to think that making a wish would make things right.. and then we grew up.” Isn’t that so true? When life was simpler, we closed our eyes to make a wish and then we relied on luck and life in general to work its magic and give it to us. Or we prayed so hard to get that which we wished for. Until we realized that wishing and life don’t necessarily hold each others’ hands throughout the journey.
My wish today? Can we skip to May? Can you believe I’m turning 48 in a couple of days? I feel old that I don’t. I see those I knew as young children now getting ready to get married. Or now going to the prom. My own little tyke is now an almost tween — a few years early than his numerical age. And yet when I look into his eyes, I see my baby.. He will forever be my baby.
I’ve been trying to establish a semblance of being anchored again to the ground instead of spinning in a free fall like I have been doing the last six months. Looking at my son and thinking of him helps me to grab onto something that is mine and is true and pure.
I get so amused when he tells me I can buy whatever I want within his bank balance. I keep telling him I just want a string or two of pearls to make into a necklace — or better yet, something he made. I guess he wants to feel like he really bought me something and I sense a hint of disappointment when I insist on the pearls because he wants to get me something fancier.
Fancy can wait for when he can get me the real diamonds he wants to get me. He asks me how much they could cost… I said, I don’t really care.
I wish his heart will always be pure and true as it is right now. I guard that happiness with a ferocity only a mother would know. I have done things I never thought I was capable of in the name of my son… and I would do that all over again and more.
Another wish.. so I close my eyes, but more than wish, I pray.
Like every morning when I pray for him… and I entrust him into God’s loving care as I go about my day and he goes to school.
For now, I will let him make the wishes and believe they can come true. He’ll grow up and realize there’s more to wishing soon enough. Let it come when it comes…