In his eyes

In his eyes

Parenthood changes an individual in a myriad of ways. For some and for the most part, the changes are positive. We become better persons. We grow up. For others, the responsibilities of parenthood and family skews their world in ways that they find hard to cope with or accept. It is not the same for everyone.

I’d like to think that parenthood, and motherhood per se, have changed me in very positive ways. I have literally put another human being’s life and welfare before my own. Through all the effort it takes to love and nurture a child, if I were younger and I had the means, I’d have wanted to have more. But I have been blessed a hundred-fold with the only one I have. I could not ask for more.

Just when a personal crisis came into my life some months back and anger and pain was gripping my heart, I received one of the best words of advice from a former boss who, even when I was working under her, had always been like a mom to me. I was in a state of confusion and I was plotting and desperate to react and retaliate. My options ranged from insanely hilarious pranks to devious and evil plots. I was ready to go on a crazy rampage — and I just wanted to get even. I laughed and cried through it as I poured my heart out. She calmly looked at me and told me to consider my options carefully, but that in the end, I should measure the wisdom of my actions by the simple test of whether or not I would be able to look my son in the eye if it comes to the point that he asks, “Mama, why did you do it?”

That put most of my evil scheming to rest — mostly. And to this day, when I look at the things I want do or ought to do, I ask myself if I can stand my son’s judgment after all is said and done. I try to see the world through his perspective and hope that even if the world should belittle me or declare me an outcast, that I would be able to stand proud in front of my son. How would I stand in his eyes?

It’s a simple standard to live by but not always easiest. We all come to a point in our lives where we say we don’t care what other people say, or what anyone thinks. Yet at the end of the day, there are certain people’s opinion who matter to us even when we declare war on the whole world. And when anger or even when common sense tells us to throw all care and caution out the window, it helps to have an anchor to tether my senses to and I’m forced to see the thing I want to do from his perspective.

I try. And I will keep trying because I want to be able to look him in the eye to the day I die. For now it keeps me in check.. And I hope it will continue to help me steer clear of things I might end up regretting later on.

Friday Five – I’m Back!

Pink hydrangeas

So where did I leave off with my Friday Five two weeks ago?

1. Write a letter. I started two… not quite finished.  Does that count?

2. Create a new ‘Thank You’ card for the Etsy shop. This had to take the backseat to everything that I had to do for work the past week, but it’s on my priority list this weekend.

3. Finish my Art Journal Every Day post on Mother’s Day.. An entry at a time… I finally gave up on finishing the post for another time, but I did start writing in my Art Journal again.

4. Throw away the old, old magazines that I have no use for. This went as far as three magazines, but there’s more to throw out.

5. Concenrate on Necklaces and Earrings this week – production wise. Success!  posted almost 10 products in the shop over the course of the previous week and looking to do more this coming week.  Although around 4 were relisted, the fact that I’m creating again and moving on to populate my Etsy Store bodes well for the shop if I can keep at it.

It’s supposed to be a nice weekend and we had planned to go to the waterpark but the boy said no.  We are, however, planning to do an early screening of Transformers and have already secured the tickets.

This week’s Friday Five:

1. Finish the letters I had started and mail them off..

2. Create a new ‘Thank You’ card for the Etsy shop. For printing next week!

3. Continue art journaling and finish at least an additional layout at the end of the book for future posts.… The latter can be as simple as painting a spread or starting to spruce up an already painted spread to prepare it for journaling.

4. Finish the items already started and keep creating!   I have taken to brainstorming my pieces when I’m away from home and working on them when I finally find the time to sit.  With the three pieces in the works below (and a fourth  – a pair of earrings – I had started last night along with an almost finished necklace), this should be easy to tick off my list for next week.

5.  Start doing mail art again.  I have boxes of freecards or ad cards in the attic that, as a postcard collector I am not wont to just throw away.  The solution is to turn them into something — and maybe send them out.  I’m toying with an idea in my head, but I want to go and get a headstart before I kick it off — literally.  Five pieces — goal for the weekend.  I’m trying to see if this is ambitious or easily doable.  Let’s see.

The birds are chirping outside my window which means it’s actually possibly going to be a nice day — but the skies are grey.  Please don’t rain until I get to work… =)  It’s Friday… that’s a good enough reason to smile.  I hope you all have a great weekend!

In the middle of…

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I have spent the better part of a half hour trying to fix these photos and I know when it’s time to give up.  More so after I had written a whole post which disappeared on me without saving on the same topic.  Let it be, I tell myself.

I created these pieces between the weekend and the past couple of nights — and although I haven’t gotten back to them to give them a more definite form, “beginning a piece” is a welcome development.  Beginning something means having something to finish.

The top most piece is a necklace which I will probably do lariat length — to be worn double looped around the neck. It’s simply a random rosary-style stringing of 8 types of blue beads from agate to dyed jade. I left it with around a third undone. So almost there.

The second is a design I am trying to follow from Bead Magazine and I’m just so thrilled to be able to finally use these serpentine beads I had bought a while back. I had around 3 strands because they were on sale, and although they’re not flashy nor colorful, I like the muted green and how earthy it feels when I look at them. Still in progress as I try to decide what I will put in the middle as a suitable focal.

The earrings above, believe it or not, came upon me half an hour before midnight — and no, I didn’t hesitate to go back to my work station and try to do what I thought up in my already sleepy head.  It’s an initial idea — not quite the finished product.  I have quite a few of these top-drilled faceted tear drop beads which I had purchased in the hopes of pulling them together into colorful dainty pieces.  These are the earth-tones.  I have a few pastel colored beads to play around with as well.

And I’ve been art journaling again. Or simply journaling, actually. Too many things to write about and I want to seriously catch up after slacking off the past couple of weeks. I really felt bad about not being able to touch my altered book that I had foregone my Friday Five the last week (or is two?) but it will be back tomorrow — promise.

Another weekend is here and school’s over. And after Monday, half the year is gone. Has it been that long since we greeted 2014?

I feel like I’ve been stuck — but time continues to fly. Next year, Angelo will be in Fifth grade.. can you believe that? Sometimes I watch him and look at him from afar and I actually say it out loud — please don’t grow up too fast.

Unfortunately, that is something we parents have no control over. My little guy is growing up so fast. I am grateful for that and also wistful at the thought that my baby is no longer the helpless little child he used to be.

Another weekend and he has been saying no to half the things we propose to make it an interesting weekend for all of us. He said no to the waterpark… which means no outlet for me. And I don’t really mind that. I am happy to see him developing his preferences. It shows that he has a mind of his own now.

I will hopefully be able to finish a necklace or two and photograph it for the shop. I am craving to photograph the pieces on a live model, but that’s a little tricky to negotiate. My necklace display stand is upstairs, or I can stick to a simpler studio set up just to show how it hangs. Maybe.

Sleep beckons. That’s it for me. Or else I might yet get another half-hour-before-midnight flash of inspiration and get creating. Happy (almost) Friday to all!
 

As I lay me down to sleep (thoughts before bedtime)

It’s past midnight, I know. My alarm is set to ring at 6am, 6:20 and 6:45. With any luck, I’d be out of bed after the second alarm.

Processing.

My brain has been processing thoughts and feelings through the weekend. You know how sometimes you feel one thing — like anger– and you hear the voice of reason saying, “Let it go.”

Time to do just that and drift away.

Looking out my window

This was the way the skyline looked as the rain started to fall at around 6pm last Friday. Menacing clouds threatened Manhattan with some serious rain.. Just the type that would make you think twice about heading out. Not that I was in any particular hurry to go home. I had work to do.

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Last night, I saw this glorious sunset in Manhattan.

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There is so much to see just looking out your window.

I’m staying at a hotel downtown because of a work event, and at least I get the perk of getting a room instead of having to commute at the start of the day and late at night when it ends. Still, it’s all work to me. I worked over the weekend pulling together materials for the event. It was better putting in the extra hours rather than stressing out over everything come Monday. So while there remained quite a lot to be done, I didn’t feel totally overwhelmed come the start of the week.

In the midst of everything we do during our day, we should always take the time to see what’s out there and appreciate it for what it is.

I see storm clouds and I marvel at the power of nature to cast such a pall of gloom (and doom) onto this great city I live in.  You would think that the concrete jungle that Manhattan is would not look any smaller but it does when Mother Nature towers over it with such a foreboding of a real downpour.

Sunsets always make me stop and look, be it from the view from 40 storeys above Midtown or beyond the rooftops of the houses I walk past as I get off the bus and make my way home.  Maybe it’s because I come from a place where we are proud of our glorious sunsets that make our skies glow back home in the Philippines so I grew up looking towards the setting sun.

 Have you looked out your window lately?

Friday Five – A Bit of Progress

A note from Pinay New Yorker: I could’ve sworn I had published this post but when I went to the blog, I didn’t see it there. Instead there was its original draft in my draft folder, but I knew I had completed it. I found it in one of the tabs on the iPad and cut and paste it here. Weird, I know. So take 2…

I would rather count my blessings than dwell on my burdens.  #blessed #floral #flowers #movingforward #feelingblessedIt’s starting to get busy because of an upcoming event we have during the third week of June at work, so there is even less time to do any of my “me” stuff. In fact, I’m had taken some work home this weekend just to get a head start on the work this coming week.

But at least my focus remains and there is the sense of moving forward even if it seems like I can’t even keep the “Friday” part consistent. (Writing this on a Sunday.. =(..)

This weekend was all about “taking care of ME” and I made time to make an appointment for the nail salon (which I have a hard time making because it’s just not on top of my list), and I even got some waxing done (face only) which I’m trying to be good with. I’ll say it again, we have to take care of ourselves so we can take care of others well. I have not created a single piece but have been organizing my supplies — and I can’t wait to create some pieces from semi-precious gemstones I bought for myself. (It might sound strange but I usually go economical on pieces for sale — but when it’s a piece for myself, I indulge. My favorite acquisitions are grade A freshwater pearls and labradorites, and I treasure the strands from BFF Ces who had gotten them from trips to the South back home in connection with her work for a real estate/hotel conglomerate in the Philippines..)

What happened to last week’s Friday Five?

1. Write a letter. Uhmmm.. top on my list for the coming week.

2. Go back to reading the Bible. Still struggling to carve out time but today I’m catching up.

3. Finish my Art Journal Every Day post on Mother’s Day.. Did an entry in it but didn’t quite get anywhere near finishing it, so I’m not going to cross this out just yet.

4. Sort the clothes that Angelo has outgrown. Got a good pile going so in a sense, I have begun.

5. Start reading again. Will try again.

Should I call this post My Sunday Five? (Maybe just for this week.)

1. Write a letter. Might even get one done before the night is over.

2. Create a new ‘Thank You’ card for the Etsy shop. Selling on Etsy is a whole production which goes beyond the piece for sale. There’s the packaging and the other notes that go with it beyond the receipt. I remember days before when shipping was stalled because of the fact that I didn’t have it in stock, so I had to create it all before shipping. Not again.

3. Finish my Art Journal Every Day post on Mother’s Day.. An entry at a time… getting there.

4. Throw away the old, old magazines that I have no use for. What can I say, I love paper. It’s hard to for me throw anything away related to paper, but I’ve started with my printed paper so I’m getting there.

5. Concenrate on Necklaces and Earrings this week – production wise. I’ve been posting bracelets right and left but I have a ton of ideas for necklaces that I need to start working on. I already have 3 produced and ready for posting, but I should keep working on it.

It was a good weekend and the weather was fantastic, and we’re hoping it holds for the coming week. We might get lucky yet. Here’s to a good week for everyone!

Words on Clouds

I’ve been blogging in my head. You know how sentences meant to be written and read form in your mind and you wish you could type them up but can’t. Maybe because you’re washing the dishes or putting on make up or stringing beads. And you wish you’d remember that sentence when you finally find the opportunity, many hours or days after.  Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t.

I’ve thought about verbally dictating them to one of my handhelds.  Still no progress on that front.  Don’t you wish you could hit a “save” button and pull it up later like you would from your hard drive?  That plus a “delete” or “archive” button.  My dreams have been exhausting me lately.  Where I would normally crave for that extra five minutes more in bed, now I get up when I wake up because I’m afraid that the dream will come back. That isn’t all that bad because it means I don’t end up lingering in bed. The thing is, the anxiety sticks with me.

Let it go, I tell myself. But “it” refused to let me go.

I’ve been stuck with this blogpost since Monday. I usually start and finish a post in one sitting. That should give you an idea about my state of mind. I’ve been keeping myself busy at work and have been trying to actually accomplish things. I haven’t quite gone very far with last week’s Friday Five but I have half the week more to go.

My body is aching to surrender to sleep after a workout at the gym today but my mind is wide awake.