A gorgeous goodbye, the sun bid me

Sunset tonightOur days have been shorter with the exit of summer.  This is how the sun bid me goodbye tonight.  Gorgeous, don’t you agree?

I am tired and exhausted after a long day, but as I went through my usual before-bed routines, I made up my mind to try and come up with a quick post.  I just felt like it.

I wish I didn’t have to be intimidated by the thought of having to wake up really early tomorrow to take the boy to school.  I want to make it to work on time and even just the thought of it feels daunting.  Another long day tomorrow, but at least it looks like there is hope for the rest of the week to ease up a bit.

I was so busy today that I am surprised I managed to cut out the multi-page layout I’ve been planning for a bit.  That part of my altered book will take a while to finish.  But the trickiest part — that of cutting the “windows” out of the pages (and several pages, at that) is done.

The me-side of things has taken a backseat to work.  I don’t mind.  Busy is good, I always say.  I didn’t pick up my tools but I’m okay with that.  I need to be in the proper frame of mind to be creating.  It’s not always as simple as wanting to create.

Do you ever send out a note or a letter not expecting a reply but silently wishing you will get one?  I never learn.  I guess it’s just the eternal optimist in me.  Or that part of me which continues to be in denial.  Not everyone is kind.  Not everyone will go for “good”.  The lessons of the past two years have taught me that only too well.

I was cleaning up one of my mailboxes which has been cluttered by unread mail.  Promo mail, mostly.  They can pile up.  I came upon an e-mail written to me around the first half of 2012.  I had done someone wrong and I received very searing rebukes for my misstep.  At the time, and for a very long time, I bowed my head in remorse.  Then later I discovered that person had done me more wrong, a hundred times more painful, with transgressions that were repeated over and over again — and suddenly I realized my guilt was misplaced.

Sometimes we are too hard on ourselves.  I was. I continue to be.  Force of habit, I guess.  Sometimes people tell us something over and over again and even when it’s a lie, it becomes our truth.

I want to shake that off.  I want to rinse it away.  I continue to try.

And it’s sunsets like this that make me hopeful.  My own redemption has been in that I had felt and shown remorse for what I thought was the bigger mistake committed by me.  That has given me pause to forgive myself.

Goodnight, sun.. see you tomorrow..