Monday was one of those days when I wished I could just stay in the park and sit, close my eyes and pull up my face to the sun and feel it warm me naturally. Unfortunately, it was a bit cold and I was still under medication for what might be a mild asthma attack. I just couldn’t risk getting any sicker because I was practically good as new. So I sat on my perch watching the glorious sunshine out the window and wishing.
My mind just wasn’t here. It’s thinking about questions left unanswered, plans that are on hold, places I want to be, people I want to spend time with. I’m thinking about conversations I have to have, and more wishes. I’m thinking of things I need to do — like photograph the earrings I’ve finished (Yay!), and thinking up more designs to bring the shop back up. I’m thinking of the crocheting that’s been put on hold after the doctor warned me to keep away from any and all triggers so my asthma can go away. Even keeping away from dairy, so there goes the diet. I have to wing it with portioning from here on. And there are the people I must deal with.
Focus, I tell myself. It’s just not that easy when I feel like I’m being pulled from all directions. I’m thinking a slice of cake might help, but Dieting Dinna immediately pops up behind me asking if that would be worth the cheat. Maybe. (Uh-oh.. Lol). There are certain pleasures in life I’ve learned to avoid for the sake of a healthier me. Yes, even when the emotional pull of my sweet tooth craving literally tugs at my tummy. (Shush!). I remind myself of my changing wardrobe and I reach for another glass of warm water. (Per BFF Donna’s advice..)
There are just days when you can’t find your groove. I was having one of those days Monday.
Then from out of the blue I find myself being invited to lunch, and that one deviation from an otherwise insignificant and blah day turns things around. And no one had a clue about my state of mind (and state of heart) so it was purely coincidence. Maybe the universe heard and decided to thrown me a break.
The earrings got photographed, and I took care of something “me” related. I found my groove again.
By midweek, I found myself at the start of what promised to be a beautiful day. The worries haven’t disappeared and there are still the unanswered questions and unfinished plans, conversations to be had and maybe a salted caramel cookie with my name on it. I focus on the sunshine and tell myself if it comes, it comes.
Sometimes it’s easier to just accept that there are things beyond your control. The sunshine outside is inviting me to sit in the park once more but there is no rest for the weary as they say. I have things that need to be said which must be said. Questions? I’ll save that for another day.