Autumn Monday

Monday musings in paper and inkIf you have been following my 10 Day Writing Challenge, you will see that I’ve been on a roll. This is Day 6 and I haven’t missed a post and have been writing as I had hoped to, and it looks like the personal deadline worked!

I am already planning a longer iteration after I finish with this one. (Uh-oh)

How can I miss out on my Monday Musings? It has always been a go to writing tool for me when the inspiration to write was running low. I would pick 3-5 random topics to write a short blurb on — no theme, no rhyme, no reason. And sometimes the topics became full posts at a later time.

Autumn, I feel you. It seemed like summer was having a hard time deciding on whether or not to stay or go– we were having some rather temperate weather when it should’ve gotten much colder already. Well today, I think autumn officially gave summer the boot as we woke up to lower 60s weather topping out at 69. I think I walked out the door underdressed in a thick long cardigan sweater over my dress , but I can always pin it closed later. The good news is, I brought the proper scarf.

Crochet break. I have been crocheting like there’s no tomorrow, although working on three pieces simultaneously has left me without a finished piece— yet. I tried to work with my current yarn stash for the first two, and I am venturing on working with a multicolor ombré yarn for the third. I ran out of yarn for the first two and I’m picking up new skiens to work with, and I’m running short on the third and have decided to wait for the next skiens. I am actually relieved to have been forced to take a break because my hands were beginning to feel the strain. I am very excited with this project and will write more about it in the craft blog. Soon.

To write or not to write about my Keto experience. I have been on the fence about this, but it has been on my mind. As someone who has tried several diets which have worked and some of which did not make a dent, I’m hoping my personal experience with it will help someone thinking of doing the keto diet or someone who might have a parallel experience with mine. So yes, I lost the weight, and yes, I gained some of it back. And finally, yes, I’m off of Keto. (To be continued..)

Getting ready for the holidays. I’m actually seriously thinking of sending Christmas cards again– something I haven’t done in ages. Every year, I try.. and every year, I have failed. I think for starters, I need to update my address book. Then I have to decide (1) if I will make my Christmas card or (2) if I will buy a boxed set or (3) order a printed one for the boy and I. Decisions, decisions. Let’s put it this way, if I don’t get this all decided and done by the end of October, I think I will skip this year again.

And we are searching for another Christmas tree. I bought one last year but it was practically the same as the one I was hoping to replace. I will write about that later but I need one of those hopelessly artificial looking plastic ones because I can’t do the real thing. Allergies, asthma.. so Christmas tree hunting we will go.

Celebrating you. I’m one person who’s very big on birthdays. Most people my age would rather not celebrate and just chalk up another year to just another one of those things that come to pass. But I like setting up parties, getting the cake, doing decor, wrapping presents and picking the birthday card and writing a dedication in it. There were a couple of birthdays the last couple of days that were special.. I tried my best. I always wish I could do more..

I’m trying to remain positive about the week ahead. I have a lot to do, that, I know. Here’s to a productive one for us all.

#10DayWritingChallenge Day6

Getting back up on your feet again

There are times when I start a blog post with a title. I don’t have one yet for this one but hope to have one before I hit “publish”.

You know how sometimes a jolt comes from out of the blue and just unsettles you on an otherwise uneventful day? I used to be unaffected — or not so much as unfazed as quick to stand back up. These days, bouncing back isn’t always as quick like it used to be for me. I find myself questioning things beyond what happened.. sometimes even doubting myself. When mistakes happen, I used to just apologize — now it sticks. I ask why.. how did that happen.. should I try to explain my way out of it? Or just cop to it?

Is it just me getting older? Or am I just not as good as I used to be.. or maybe, the odds are just stacked against me.

I’ve always been prompted by a belief in a higher being. That, to me, is God. Others call it the Universe. I just know I am but a speck in this universe and there are bigger things that are beyond me. I’ve learned to go with the flow. If I forget something at home, I go back. To me, that is a sign that I should not forge on. There is a reason beyond my forgetfulness or carelessness and I should pay heed.

Sometimes, the disappointment creeps up on me and I ask if perhaps it’s time to change course. I pause and listen. I don’t always pay heed, but I listen.

Every morning, I pray. Not just for myself but for my family, my friends who have passed, and that I be good person. That I choose kindness. That I choose what’s right. I don’t always succeed. I’m not always the nicest or most helpful person around. That’s why I pray for it.

I’d like to believe I am a strong person. That doesn’t mean I am unmoved. It just means I keep going, no matter how slow it may be getting back up on my feet again.

I try to look towards the future and remain hopeful. A dear friend always tells me that hope dies last. So I cling to hope even when I feel at my lowest. And that helps me to regain my footing– even if it takes just a little while longer than it used to.

#10dayWritingChallenge Day6

Slow Saturday

I have been taking it easy today. Wonder of wonders, I actually woke up at past 9am which was a real treat. I fixed myself some pancakes for breakfast and then picked up my crochet hook and yarn and continued my current obsession: crocheting triangle scarves. I have three scarves in different stages of production. I am in no hurry. Two of the three are using my existing stash of yarn, so I have to pause in between to look for additional spools to use. I only stopped (briefly) to cook lunch and do some cleaning. And I put the hook and the yarn down for my post today. (The clock is ticking.)

Saturdays are my “me” day. While most people will make plans for the weekend and do something exciting, I’m more inclined to just plan to stay indoors and chill and get some chores done.

I washed my make up brushes, hand washed some scarves, and before I sleep,, I’m preparing to do a cursory sorting of clothes I can give away to make my closet “breathe” a little. I was watching one of the series in one of my streaming subscriptions and was kind of surprised by the minimalist wardrobe of the lead character. Of course, she was kind of obsessive compulsive and had every little thing in neat order and almost numbered, and she stuck to a very basic corporate style for her work attire. Totally not me. But, it makes me want to continue culling my wardrobe.

And there are the take out containers that I almost always end up washing and reusing. They do tend to accumulate and every so often, I just throw them away. I figure I will find a disposable container if and when I need it– there’s always this nagging feeling something reusable will eventually become useful and then it doesn’t. So I’ve started throwing them in a garbage bag to be put in the plastic bin.

Tomorrow is laundry day.. or maybe not. New York City public schools are off until Tuesday because of the Jewish New Year, so I am seriously contemplating working from home on Tuesday and maybe getting that done then. In which case, I chill tomorrow.

I like to be able to enjoy a leisurely day even when it means cleaning the house — I do it at my own pace and in my own time. I get to accomplish something and yet not feel pressured to go out unless I have to, and I feel myself re-energized even after all the chores.

Maybe I’m just getting older. Short of taking time to nap, I’m often taking the time to just stop for a break and breathe. That’s my slow Saturday. I hope you had a good one, too.

#10daywritingchallenge Day 5

This post is Day 5 of the #10DayWritingChallenge. Below are related links to this blogging list.

10 Day Writing Challenge

Out of Focus

One Day Soon

Sewing Decisions

Fridays be like

Getting back up on your feet again

Autumn Monday

Taking it easy

When you fail again

Self love

Paying closer attention

Fridays be like..

I literally have a half hour to write here, edit and post– in keeping with my #10DayWritingChallenge, or I am going to break a 3-day streak.

I put my crochet hook down. I know, I said this weekend was about sewing, but I had some yarn arrive with the sundries I ordered from Walmart. I couldn’t resist.

I’ve started a third winter scarf, realizing I had used the wrong smaller crochet hook with the first 2, and not quite ready with the suggested bigger hook but hitting it in the middle. I think I like how this third piece is working out, and id rather write about that in my craft blog.

So how was your Friday?

Mine started off with such beautiful shadows in Grand Central. I would’ve stayed to take more pictures, but work was waiting. It was a busy day but I was too happy about Friday moving into the weekend that I didn’t mind.

Shadows on Friday

Friday’s are a happy thought for me any day of the week. And there are all those other happy thoughts which make for a hearty hug. I am sleepy but happy. Here’s to a productive and restful weekend!

#10daywritingchallenge Day 4

This post is Day 4 of the #10DayWritingChallenge. Below are related links to this blogging list.

10 Day Writing Challenge

Out of Focus

One Day Soon

Sewing Decisions

Slow Saturday

Getting back up on your feet again

Autumn Monday

Taking it easy

When you fail again

Self love

Paying closer attention

Sewing decisions(

We’re in that moment in between seasons when we start switching wardrobes and start getting ready for colder days. I know I have started getting the jackets and light coats ready. There are days when we can still get away with just a sweater or wrap, but we’ve been having cooler mornings and even colder nights.

The coats have started appearing in the shop windows and in the online stores — and I’m on the fence about getting new coats because I have quite the fabric stash to make the coats I’ve been dreaming about since last year. My goal is to actually work on at least one coat or jacket and actually finish it.

Sewing awayI am a novice sewist. I went to school to relearn the basics of sewing in two progressive classes, and I’d go for the third class but I don’t think I have the Saturdays to spare. Besides, I’d like to give sewing a go so I can see how I am with the sewing after those classes I took..

For a time, I found myself postponing the projects I had lined up because I wanted to lose enough weight to a certain size and then create pieces from there. After all, one of the reasons I wanted to learn to sew my own clothes was because I wanted good fitting ones that would be made by me for my not so normal body measurements. I’m one size at the shoulders, another at the bustline and another at the hips. If I had to buy a dress that had no “give” or stretch, I usually end up a size bigger than what my shoulders would be which makes for a sometimes awkward fit at the top. More so with coats and jackets– hence, the effort to come up with a bespoke piece.

With autumn here, I’ve decided there’s no avoiding sewing the pieces now. I have two skirts waiting to be sewn together — and at least two coat patterns to cut and sew.

My crochet hook and yarn stash have actually kept me busy. I am working on a triangle scarf from a pattern I bought online, and I have so far managed to keep working the rows — and this after finishing 3 winter hats or beanies. I have to put the hook down if I’m going to get any sewing done.

I’m going to try and at least get started on one sewing project this weekend.. fingers crossed.

<#10daywritingchallenge Day 3

This post is Day 3 of the #10DayWritingChallenge. Below are related links to this blogging list.

10 Day Writing Challenge

Out of Focus

One Day Soon

Fridays be like

Slow Saturday

Getting back up on your feet again

Autumn Monday

Taking it easy

When you fail again

Self love

 

One day soon

Life has been pretty hectic of late. Or maybe it just feels that way because we let ourselves indulge in the imagined bliss of summer when the days are longer, and we get this feeling of things moving just a bit slower. Now that that’s over, the pace seems to have picked up again.

I find myself looking forward to weekends not for any plans of partying or of doing something exciting– but rather because weekends mean being able to sleep in. That simple a luxury I crave!

Sleep. I miss you so much during the week, so much so that you are the highlight of my weekends. But Saturdays and Sundays are supposed to be so much more. So I find myself browsing shows to watch, places to visit. Exhibitions to see. Or simply chilling in a corner enjoying a leisurely lunch. Alone. One day soon.

For the longest time, I felt like I had lost out on many options because I don’t drive. Oh, I do know how to. My dad had sent me to driving school when I turned 18 and I was ripe to apply for a driver’s license — and it was during those driving lessons when I realized that driving was not my thing. I would need my own highway because I scare too easily and would swerve automatically in the opposite direction if another driver cut me. I didn’t want to endanger others, so I politely said no to driving and the car that went with it.

Here in New York, more so in the city, everything is accessible via public transportation. I have dared to go to places and parts of the city I have never been to before, armed with just the instructions of which buses or trains to take. But when it comes to places that need driving, i have found that Uber or Lyft is not always a choice.

But I refuse to let go of the idea that I can still go to places I would otherwise have been driven to, on my own.

Traveling alone is suddenly appealing for the adventure it offers a golden girl like me. I don’t really go on vacation trips except the annual trip to Manila and a side trip to another place or country along the way. My son usually travels with his dad, and he’s not too keen about traveling with Mom without a car. That doesn’t mean I can’t do it on my own.

Planning a tripI’m already planning a day trip in the coming weeks. There are places I’ve been to that I want to visit again, and new places where I want to explore and try new things. Traveling alone appeals to me because I need not worry about where to eat where my boy’s picky palette will find something agreeable. I wouldn’t be constantly thinking of things to do that would make a destination exciting and thrilling for a teenager like I usually do when he and I are out on the town. I can focus on what I want to do.

Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy going out with my son. It’s just that “him and I” takes a bit more planning than just “me”. I do relish the conversations and the laughter and how he would put my arm around his waist as he puts his arm on my shoulder. As he is almost a full head taller than me now, I fit rather snugly under his arms with room to rest my head on his shoulder if needed. He has grown. I used to hold his hand and lead him around. Now he takes me and leads the way. We are quite the pair.

But then there are times when it’s just me. A consequence of the uncoupling that happened not too long ago. And just as I carved out an identity for myself as I shook myself free of that matrimonial bond, it has become clear to me that there is more to me than the mother I am to this boy.

I pause and let that sink in. He is 15 and soon will be 25 and then 30. I cannot wait until after he has chosen the life he will live for me to learn to live mine. One day, I will see him less and less. He will have his own family. And while I will always be here for him, and without a doubt, he will be there for me– I need to carve out my world beginning now that I can choose how I want it to be.

I don’t want to be that old lady who makes do with what she has. I want to be that woman who chose to build her world into what she wanted it to be. And I want to go and see places. I want to make new memories, even if they bring me back to where I had been before.

No matter how near or far you’ve come. there’s a sense of exhilaration when you’ve reached your destination. I crave that excitement of knowing I have arrived and can do what I came here to do. Shopping in the mall, or exploring a town or revisiting an old favorite place.

That thought brings a smile to my face.

I know where I want to go. There’s a place I’ve been longing to return to even if I’ve been there three times before. I am curious to see how revisiting these places I went to would feel now that I’m a different person and I see the world with a different lens. I’ve been researching how to get there and plotting my day. What do I with the few hours I get to roam.. what do I bring? Where do I go?

I am not quite there where I can explore on my own and stay the night or the weekends just yet. A day trip seems adventurous enough for starters. I will get there. I hope to one day do a cross country journey by train .. or maybe hop from state to state by bus. Not quite there yet– but I’m going to get there.

For now, I will do that day trip and maybe take you with me on my one day adventure. Soon.

#10daywritingchallenge Day 2

This post is Day 2 of the #10DayWritingChallenge. Below are related links to this blogging list.

10 Day Writing Challenge

Out of Focus

Sewing Decisions

Fridays be like

Slow Saturday

Getting back up on your feet again

Autumn Monday

Taking it easy

When you fail again

Self love

 

Out of focus

Today was one of those days that didn’t quite start out as I wanted it to. It’s the middle of the day and I should be preparing my lunch of half a slice of Brie and walnuts, but instead I am trying to release some stress by writing here.

So how did my morning go? I hustled the 10th Grader to get ready to catch the bus to the city when I got a frantic text from the boss before I could leave the house. I had to pause and concentrate and replied and finally walked out — then I realized halfway through to the bus stop that my phone wasn’t in my purse when I walked out the door. I sent the boy on his way and went back to retrieve my “lifeline”, relieved that the boss’s tech woes were over.

I caught the next bus, breathed deeply and started to get ready to do my morning bus routine. (Paint my face). There’s a good half hour between my stop to the last pick up, and the last passenger who got on the bus at the last stop started screaming. He was clearly upset. I was too far back in the bus to make anything of what he was blabbering about but he got our attention. Worse, he made me nervous. It appears someone accommodated a fare swipe, and another passenger grudgingly gave up her seat so he could sit alone. It was already jarring enough when he behaved the way he did getting on the bus, but he kept ranting throughout most of the trip.

I figured there were enough men on the bus to subdue him if he started getting physically disruptive, but my main concern really was that the bus driver would pull over and refuse to keep going which would put a major dent on my morning time table. (And forget that it’s UN week in New York which makes for traffic stoppages and major gridlock on my side of town!). It was the driver’s prerogative to interrupt the trip if he felt threatened in any way, and I am glad he decided to charge it to another New Yorker having a bad day.

My usual five minute ride from exiting the Midtown Tunnel to my stop at Grand Central took all of a half hour not even midway through. So I got off the bus two stops ahead and walked. I was still late. At this point, I was just praying that no more mishaps or curve balls would come my way.

And just as I was ready to make my routine stop to say a prayer at a church I pass, I got a text from the boss on an urgent message I needed to make sure was received and acted upon. I was late but I was working. And I got the job done.

My morning was not any less hectic than usual. I had a birthday present I had brought for one of my closest friends at work. This year, I was ready with a card and the gift– I just needed the gift bag and the tissue to wrap it in. I could’ve postponed for later in the day but I wanted to do something cheerful and positive. I am fortunate to work in a place where everything is just a literal hop, skip and a jump away.

I picked my gift bag and tissue and wrapped my present in one layer, layered the bottom with tissue and then inserted two more sheets for flair. I always loved wrapping presents. Wrapping gifts has always been a favorite part of the holidays for me. Nowadays, we do shortcuts with the gift bag but I am happy to jazz that up with my own touch. I needed some cheer.

The morning rolled off rather eventfully but with no major glitches. Still, these little things have sort of rattled me into being unsettled. I’m hoping writing will help calm me down to that level where it will no longer be a throughly bubble at the back of my head.

I am usually not so easily sidelined by the unexpected, but one after the other coming in one morning can be a stumbling block. The good thing is I have my ways to get back up on my feet again and keep going. I am trying.

I am focusing on the positive and digging into my bin of happy. Breathe in, breathe out. Just another day..

Out of focus

#10daywritingchallenge Day 1

This post is Day 1 of the #10DayWritingChallenge.  Below are related links to this blogging list.

10 Day Writing Challenge

Out of Focus

One Day Soon

Sewing Decisions

Fridays be like

Slow Saturday

Getting back up on your feet again

Autumn Monday

Taking it easy

When you fail again

Self love

Paying closer attention

The 10-day Writing Challenge

I read somewhere that you need to write even when there is nothing to write. Or something like that.

And with how my writing has been going in stops and starts, I thought I’d set a goal of doing a 10-day writing challenge. The goal is to write and publish 10 posts here in the next 10 days. (Ambitious, right)

Not for lack of anything to do, but I know how difficult it can be to muster the words and ideas to complete a post– and how complacency can actually silence your voice. It is a high pressure goal in setting just to see if I can do it, and what will come out of it. I want to push myself to the limit and stir up my creative juices.

Writing has always been a part of who I am– be it in letters, poetry, stories or random musings here. Sometimes, even my Instagram posts have a mini essay for a caption. My pictures have stories behind them, just as they tell a story within the frame. And more often than not, there is a need to relate those stories, even if only in hashtags and blurbs that make sense only to me.

Our words paint a picture in the reader’s eyes. My words, to me, are like paintbrushes that make my thoughts, memories and ideas come to life. It is how I share a deeper part of me with you.

At first, I thought I’d list down the topics to write about, but then it occurred to me that that would curtail the attempt to let the words flow spontaneously. No rules. Just words. 10 posts in 10 days.

Here’s to 10 days of being spontaneous, and of marshaling the words to bring you into my world.

Below are the 10 posts that were published as a result of this personal challenge posed to myself:

Out of Focus

One Day Soon

Sewing Decisions

Fridays be like

Slow Saturday

Getting back up on your feet again

Autumn Monday

Taking it easy

When you fail again

Monday, Monday

Monday musings in paper and ink

Disclosure: Clicking on certain links in this post might mean a commission for me upon visiting the site it brings you to or if you make a purchase.

I am trying to write with more regularity here and I am happy that Mondays find me with enough energy to write, but I don’t want a Monday Musings blog. But thinking more positively, at least the words are coming.

So how was your weekend?

Mine was productive craftwise. I managed to finish crocheting three winter hats, although technically, it was 2.25. The third hat only needed some finishing with the rim. All done with yarn already on hand, and I’m raring to make more.

Untitled

Carnival Row. I heard of the show in this article from my hard copy TIME magazine. Since I had an Amazon Prime Membership anyway, I thought I’d give at least one episode a try. It came free with the membership and I try to maximize my benefits given the price of being part of it, so I watch when I can.

Although the review had given me a rather biased point of view, that it lowered expectations helped me to appreciate the film more. I ended up watching 4 episodes and would’ve watched the 5th, but my teen came home daring to play his new video game. So I ceded the TV. But I am looking forward to continuing the series.

Staying in the know. I’ve picked up a morning habit which I’ve found very helpful in staying up to speed with the news. Check out 5 Things from CNN. They promise to be your new favorite morning fix – and in all of 5 minutes.

While I do browse The New York Times and Apple News, the requirement for a subscription to most other service providers limits my reading to an occasional click.

Thank you, CNN.

Weekend binge. While I didn’t go anywhere this weekend, I did go home with some goodies which meant a carb splurge beginning with rice and adobo on Friday evening. Blame it on the food I took home Wednesday night from the visit to Woodside where there are Pinoy carinderias aplenty. I also managed to score a cheese bread loaf from Maison Kaiser near my office which became brunch on Saturday. Rare at the end of the day given that they usually run out, so that was a real treat! (And it comes with my favorite President butter..)

And on Sunday, I made some grilled mango calamansi jam sandwiches for breakfast. Totally yum on all fronts.

Mango Calamansi Jan toasts

Don’t ask me about the pounds gained because I surprisingly kept it within reasonable bounds. I just need to be good from here on out.

There are just those times when I need to loosen up a bit with the dieting and think more of what I need and want. Otherwise, losing weight becomes a chore and it’s harder to stick to my regimen.

More than Monday musings. Goal for the week: write at least one post before next Monday.. fingers crossed.

Monday Musings on a Tuesday: Those precious long weekends

Monday musings in paper and inkHow was your weekend? I started writing this yesterday, the end of my long weekend, and of course it got lost in the nuances of closing out what would be our last holiday for a while.  We don’t have another holiday coming soon until Thanksgiving, so this is it for a bit.

Like most holiday weekends, I found myself catching up with housework and things I normally don’t get enough time to do on the regular break from the workweek.  I indulged in much needed longer mornings, stretching out and just laying still even when my mind was already wide awake.  Still, I found myself getting out of bed earlier than normal, but I did go about my mornings at a more leisurely pace.

Motherhood.  I got to spend Saturday being Mom — going with my teen to get his hair done.  (And I must stop there lest I end up getting a disapproving look again when he finds out I gave out too much information here.)  And Sunday was momhood again, shopping in the city.  No, not for me, but for the teen (again), what with the school opening just around the corner.  I can’t help but marvel at how much he has grown.  I have captioned our latest picture together as “Mom is indeed shrinking.. ”

And September is here.  And just like that, we are almost at the end of the year.  I have become more attuned with the passing of time.  So I no longer ask where it has gone — I just know it slipped through my fingers like grains of sand.  I’m three quarters done with 2019 and I must say I feel good about where I am.  There is a quiet stillness in my heart amidst the hustle and bustle of my everyday life.  It helps to keep me focused and calm when the excitement gets too much.  I can take a step back, close my eyes, and just find my center again by disappearing into that place within.  Some would say it’s escapism.  I think not.  It’s just me, dealing with life and keeping up.

Decisions.  Summer saw me taking a trip home to Manila, with a stop at one of my other happy places — Sydney.  It was tight and literally short and sweet — but that’s about the only real vacation I take every year.  I don’t go anywhere local, save for an occasional staycation with my favorite date in the city.  This year, we didn’t do anything of the sort.  And even looking back, I don’t really go anywhere else besides home, and places I visit in conjunction with those trips to be with family.  Right now, I’m trying to decide on whether or not I will take another such trip at the end of the year — or more precisely, the beginning of the year.  I am almost 75% sure to go, but there is that part of me that is holding back and vacillating between saying yes and no.

I said I leave it to fate.  And fate keeps nudging me to go as doors have opened.  So I guess I ought to seriously start planning this one.

Writing those letters.  I have the stationery and I have pens aplenty.  I have a list of people I will write and some, I have actually been writing in a journal of sorts.  I haven’t had much luck with those journals but I keep trying, and those letters I hope, will find themselves on their way soon.  I even have the stamps already!  It’s just one of those things which I don’t want to do on the fly.  I want to be able to sit down and take pen and paper and write.  Like really write.

At the start of the year, I had hoped to write at least one letter a month.  I’m 8 letters behind.  I know it shouldn’t be so difficult so I know that at the end of the year, I will be able to count 12 letters sent — and maybe even more.

So that’s my Monday on a Tuesday.  I try.