I always start my posts with the title. And top of mind tonight at 8pm is that it’s been one of those days. Indeed.
I just finished a dinner of manchego cheese, grapes and most of the Ste Chateau Michelle Riesling 2022 bottle I got from the ex for Christmas. I think I’m officially buzzed and it’s just 8pm. But it feels good.
It was a long, long day. A day of disappointments in a sense, but it was at work, so the disappointments ended at just before 6pm. Then I shut the computer off and I disappeared into my own moment.
I had started chilling the Riesling around 4pm when things were really bad. I vented. I ranted.. I breathed and I said, I’m okay. I just need to let this go.
You know how sometimes something is said or happens, and you step back and have a totally unrelated realization based on it? I had one of those moments today. When, at the end of the conversation, I realized people thought I didn’t have enough to do. That because some things at work had changed, my load was easier. Forget that there are other things that are part of the job which is totally overwhelming me at this point. So what was all the chasing for?
Realization: everyone thought it was easy as pie because I got it done. I remember someone telling me decades ago I need to slow down. The pace at which I work makes people expect that kind of efficiency at all times. When I end up sliding down to “normal”, they find it “slow” and unacceptable. It looks effortless even when I’m pulling my hair trying to keep my head above water.
I’m upset, I know. Upset enough that I am returning to meditation. I had my half a bottle of Riesling. I am here ranting.
Breathe, Dinna. Breathe…