Sunny but cold Monday

Our temperatures dropped and did they drop over the weekend, so much so that tourists hoping to go around wearing shorts will surely double back to their hotels and change to something warmer.  Still light coat weather, but definitely not a “t-shirt and shorts” kind of New York. 

I left the house without eating breakfast as I was in a rush, and although I don’t normally walk out of the building to grab a bagel once I’ve settled up on my perch 41 storeys above street-level, but today, I just had to have a(nother) bagel and walk down I did.

Today is Columbus Day and school’s out (so my little guy is home busy with my laptop), but not all companies observe the holiday so I’m at work.  Which is just fine.  The weekend saw me anxiously thinking my way around a situation at work where one of my boss’s direct reports is constantly trying to throw me under the bus.  Subtlety is not one of his strongest suites, and I’m beginning to think the point is to make it known that he’s not a happy camper.  Neither am I.  I normally would sweep this under the rug and shrug it off, but this one stuck with me all weekend, and it’s just not worth going back to next weekend.. I was thinking about it while I was washing the dishes.. painting my Altered Book backgrounds.. doing my Artist Trading Cards.  Well, that and a host of other thoughts.

While I had a fun time being productive with my Altered Book (more or less 20 pages painted!) and finishing up 5 ATCs for swapping, sometimes I hate that my mind quiets down just enough to let heavy thoughts come in.  Like I think about the bestfriend I used to talk to practically all our waking hours but who I haven’t spoken with for the last three months or so.. one day she nonchallantly blurts out that I have always been known to be one who couldn’t keep a secret.  I am not mad but that put a chasm between us that I think is best left alone for now.  Like I told her then, there are too many years between us for me to go back to each one and account for my slip ups.  I didn’t realize that hurt was so deep — given the way she let it out.  So I apologized for all of them, and then stepped back.

I thought about the other friend who told me that I didn’t have to do anything –that things would fall into place — and how now, even if they didn’t fall into place the way I thought they would, they did.  Where that thought would normally elicit relief or a smile, that thought still jabs at my heart for my own failings.  Sometimes we literally stumble and fall and just cannot get up.  And eventually we accept that there are things that we never get up from.  There are transgressions that you pay for to your last breath.

I think about work.. and then I remember a recruiter called me last Friday.  =)  That thought made me smile.  And this morning I saw an e-mail from one of my young friends in  Manila — someone I bumped into quite by accident when I saw his blog after googling something for a translation.  The young have so much to share and inspire us with.  Like this young man who continues to try and go against the odds — now a freshman in the College of Medicine back in UP Manila.  He looks to me for sisterly advice but he doesn’t know his own day-to-day triumphs serve as an inspiration to me as I remember those days I braved law school against all odds.  Sometimes when we are reminded of our past struggles, we find renewed strength in remembering how we overcame then as we go about our day-to-day living now.

I miss my Mom.   I always do — but sometimes I miss her more than normal.  Like now.

Time for me to get back to work.  Another day.. another week..

Friday Bagel Treat

Bagel breakfastSo I thought I’d treat myself to a bagel breakfast this morning.  I’m probably one of the few who nuke their bagels in the microwave (hence the glossy top — that’s butter), and although I didn’t finish the whole bagel, I did have myself a hearty treat.  I used to like my bagels with cream cheese  but cream cheese has fallen out of favor with me, so butter it is.

Friday here was sunny for a change after several muggy days that left you with a blah feeling.  It’s peeking out which is a good start to what the weathermen are saying will be a not-so-good weekend weatherwise.  I’ll take all the sunshine I can get.

Sunday and moving?

I like Sundays. I don’t have to rush through breakfast and I can actually sit here at the breakfast counter and relax. And blog.

I am seriously thinking of moving this blog to another server or upgrading — and both options pose challenges. I’m pretty happy with the free platform but I’ve noticed that I often get a message that the server is busy and my site is unavailable. Another problem I’ve had is that Chrome seems to detect malware or a virus when I try to put a linky to my site on one of my favorite blogs to broadcast an art journal entry — which probably means some people are also getting a warning when they try to access my site. I am seriously considering paying for my space here on the blog server but I am wary about continuing to have problems even after that. Dilemma.

I have tried migrating the blog, but with 2,000+ posts, the server is unable to pull the .xml file that will allow me to ” bring” everything to the next platform. Hmmmmm… While I am mulling about these decisions, I’d like to give my now 7 readers the heads up to please access the blog through it’s domain, which should bring you to wherever the blog should move to. (IF it even moves.)

So maybe I’ll stay put for now.

I have a busy Sunday at home as I try to put a semblance of order to my working space up in the attic and here in the living room. I am going to be sorting through some of my things, particularly old postcards to give away and trade. We also got a shelf of sorts to “house” my crafting supplies. I just wish that Angelo is not actually coming down with something because he was a little warm (but not even a slight fever) and nursing a cold this morning. No school for us Monday and Tuesday because of the Jewish holiday of Rosh Hashanah. I wouldn’t want him not feeling well through what would be one of the rare long weekends between now and Thanksgiving in November.

Time for me to start working in the attic. Meanwhile, here’s a preview of my watercolor collage garden.

Watercolor and ink: Flowers

Like cooking Spanish Chocolate

It’s almost midday here in New York and I’ve so far fed everyone, caught up on two episodes of A Gifted Man, worked on a few art journal entries (not quite finished yet), and I’m trying to pace myself with the rest of the day as I approach the middle of my three-day weekend.

Breakfast was Spanish Chocolate and quezo de bola.  I’ve been “simmering” here in the kitchen all morning, looking out at the sunny day outside and trying to convince myself it’s good enough a day for me to brave the cold despite the asthma.  I’m doing okay.. I just need to see if the rest of the house is up for an excursion to Target today to do errands.  I do need to go to the pharmacy at least.. need to pick up some meds and check out the valentine clearance sales. =)  I’m trying to stretch my time and make productive use of it — reminding myself to be patient, like when I wait for the Spanish chocolate to cook to the right consistency and taste.  I’m trying to keep busy and preoccupied.

Waiting has never really been one of my stronger suits but sometimes you really have no choice.  I smile at the sunshine and whisper a message to the universe as Fe says.. the universe hears and will take care of getting the message to where it is supposed to go.   I just have to radiate positive thoughts and trust that all will be well.  My brother sent me word today that things are seemingly okay back home — for now.  Some good news for a change.

“Rest your mind, calm your heart..”  I keep hearing that over and over again in my head.  P’s card made it to the other side of the world already — I have the art journal version moving on.  Those words are a much-needed source of calm at this time — and I am counting on it to carry me through.  Sometimes we can’t help but think of the worst instead of focusing on the positive.  That neither gives one’s mind rest nor does it calm the heart.  In the end all that is left is to believe that things will turn out fine.  And Fe tells me it will.


Positive thoughts.  Woke up to a text message this morning that made me whisper those two words.  Oui. =)

One of my favorite words is “Yes”.  When Angelo was yet a toddler when “No” apparently became a favorite word, I would tell him I don’t like that word like I don’t like “cannot”.  So we heard more of  “yes” and “can”.

As I am a closet francophile, “OUI”, of course figures as a favorite word.  It tells me yes.  It says I understand and I’m okay.  I don’t know if it’s more of me saying that to myself or me just declaring it so I will be.  As Fe says, the universe is listening — and I’m listening to Fe.

Saturday morning pancake breakfast.  Oui indeed!  =)  I was getting lazy to mix up the batter and wait for the three pancakes to cook perfectly on the non-stick pan, but I looked at the sun shining so splendidly outside and I told myself it was a perfect weekend comfort food treat I couldn’t miss.  After assembling my pancakes (with tons of butter, heavy cream and maple syrup), I sat on the breakfast counter wrapped up in my own little world here and doing some “me” time, logged on, checked who was online (everyone out), if there were any new e-mails (none).  Just taking my sweet time and I drifted off to YouTube.

Just saw the official video of JASON MRAZ of a now favorite song, “I Won’t Give Up” whose lyric video I first saw and which I fell in love with.  I am officially a fan now.  The official video below is an even more profound masterpiece — you cannot argue with the power of human emotion onscreen, be it as still pictures or snippets of film.  If you had listened to the song and knew of it before watching the video, you’d love it and appreciate it even more after watching the clip below.

“And when you’re needing your space

to do some navigating,

I’ll be here patiently waiting

to see what you find.”

Oui.. =)

Personal Treat

I like weekends because breakfast is not a hurried production.  It’s also the only time of the week when I can whip something special up for myself after preparing breakfast for everyone else.  Today I decided I wanted pancakes.  Slathered with butter and topped with my favorite Harry and David Caramel Sauce — yum!  I would’ve loved to pour on some heavy cream but I’m all out.  Still, that was quite a treat.

I sat by the breakfast counter and had a leisurely breakfast while listening to music via YouTube.  It’s the start of a long weekend here on our side of the world, what with Martin Luther King Day being observed this Monday.  A much needed break, indeed.

It’s been a busy week at work and I am still adjusting back to being back from Manila — not so much jetlag-wise — I think I’ve pretty much recovered from that.  But more like adjusting back to trying to wean myself from pining for those three weeks of rest and relaxation with family and friends.

Work has been very hectic and will get even more hectic.  I can use as much of the weekend as I can get.

So after the espresso and the pancakes, I got another giant mug of coffee.  I sat, browsed the net, uploaded these pictures I took for this blogpost and just enjoyed the morning.

We often end up taking such simple pleasures like sitting down to take it easy forgranted, when it is probably the best remedy to a quick recharge more so after a busy week.  All week long, I’m the first to wake up and I start puttering around the kitchen getting my morning off to a start while it is still dark outside.  I get everyone’s breakfast ready and then I get down to getting myself off to work.  Everything is at a hurried pace that usually leaves me breathless by the time I walk out of the house.

Weekends afford me a chance to slow down, enjoy every bit of the exercise of getting breakfast ready, and actually fixing up a personal treat for myself like today.  At least during weekends — that’s good enough.  I can sip my coffee at leisure instead of doing it at my desk when I get to work.  I can stop and decide how the day will be instead of letting it roll out in rote fashion.