Falling in love with new beginnings all over again

The skies as they looked before all this snow came.. Falling in love with new beginnings all over again.  No matter how difficult a challenge lands on my lap, I know that I can always pick up the pieces again and start over if I fall or don't meet my goal

The storm has passed.  Posted on Instagram today:  The skies as they looked before all the snow came.  Falling in love with new beginnings all over again.  No matter how difficult a challenge lands on my lap, I know that I can always pick up the pieces again and start over if I fall or don’t meet my goals.  Even the night which comes upon us is tomorrow’s promise of another day.  #startoftheweek #startingover #newbeginnings #challenges #wordsofencouragement #positivity #optimism

It’s a difficult time — and I am deathly terrified but I know I can make it.  I have to make it.  I always said it’s important to take baby steps and in time, I will get to where I want to go.  I will be what I want to become.  I will achieve the goal I have set out for myself.

Midweek that feels like the start of the week — can’t wait and see the sun tomorrow.

 

 

Letting it go

I’ve been spending most of my morning shooting off emails, parrying blows, clarifying requests, being the peacemaker, and basically telling everyone they should all calm down and read their e-mails before reacting. I don’t mind doing it on a piecemeal basis, but when it’s a barrage, it gets really tiring. And while I can write a good business e-mail, I think it’s beyond my job description to actually explain things to people earning twice as much as I do. (Okay, maybe just 150% of what I make..)

Still.

In a previous lifetime, I had gotten used to doing my job based on what I can do and not what I’m expected to do and what I was paid to do — I always went the extra mile. Back home in the Philippines, there was always that unseen force driving us to achieve and excel and shine. I don’t know if it’s age (me getting old) or just the culture (different that it’s similar) — or perhaps that I have changed my focus at work from “building a career” to “earning a paycheck”. I do my job, and I do it well, but I don’t bend backwards too much anymore. Where I would normally chime in and offer what I know or volunteer what I can do to help, I find myself just watching quietly like the proverbial fly on the wall.  I will help if asked.

Apology made. Apology accepted.

Life is too complicated as it is for me dissect each and every fall or slap in the face. Is that me getting jaded? Perhaps. I think it’s more of my soul getting weary with each passing day. Some things you just have to LET GO. That phrase has been resonating in my heart the last few days.. LET IT GO.

I am not always successful in listening to the voice inside my head.  And that can be a tad frustrating indeed.  But I think I’m getting the hang of it and getting better at it.  It is easier now to get over things — be it anger, sadness, or plain excitement.  Faced with a disappointment, I look at it, try to understand it, and TRY not to go back to it. 

I try.

I try and let it go.

Sometimes, I succeed and I DO let it go.  There are still times, though, when I fail. And even then, I have to let it go.
 

Battle ready for the week ahead

I had written this blog post my Sunday evening but held off on publishing it here in the blog.  There are times when the blog post comes out spontaneously, but something makes me want to just keep it in draft for until such time I’m comfortable posting it.  Here goes..

The past few weeks have been challenging to say the least.  I would’ve hoped that the stress would have eased up but instead, more challenges have cropped up.  The weekend, thankfully, was productive and quiet.  I must’ve created around a dozen and a half rosary bracelets made of czech pressed glass beads and some gemstones.  I wish I had enough time and energy to create matching earrings, but I am not pushing it.

I have finally moved on with my reading although I am leaning more towards the spiritual.  I read a few verses here and there.  I have tried to catch up with the snail mail writing but have been busy waiting for friends to go online, but alas, it must’ve been a busy weekend for most of them.

I am trying to muster all my resources to start my week off ready and prepared for what promises to be yet another  challenging one.  Last Friday, I came upon some information rather by accident, but which, it turns out was providential, as I now come to work armed with the proper composure to deal with the news.  Don’t you find it uncanny how sometimes, things unfold in such a way that something meant to be  kept from you is actually revealed to you in a most casual way —  and you end up forewarned and forearmed.  I can imagine how I would have been caught off guard if I was not so lucky.

It doesn’t make the challenge disappear, it just gets me ready to deal with it better.  And just when I was hoping things would ease up a bit. ..

Last Friday, I was thinking to myself, what else can possibly go wrong?  I thought the heartaches and worries of the last two weeks were burden enough — then more came my way.  And as if that wasn’t enough, I have been asked by my doctor to come in for more tests, but I don’t think I can deal with any more bad news at the moment, so I am postponing that for the end of the month, or early April.  I don’t know if I can keep it together if I get any more unpleasant news or challenges at the rate I’ve been given piece after piece.

I take a deep breath and try to compose my thoughts.  I sought the help of a friend and I got a flat out no.   Another deep breath and I whisper a prayer.   Someone, somewhere will hear.  I let it go.

I always used to say that God gives us only that which we can handle.  I am looking to that for strength.  Even when everyone else fails me, He will not.  He will always be there, no matter what.  So when the doors close, I know He will show me the one that He will hold open for me.  I just need to raise my head up again and look His way.

We often find ourselves relying on promises made by those who say they will take care of us.  And then we wake up one day, and those friends are gone.  Our pleas for help or assistance are ignored or refused..  it makes me wonder if there was a time at all those promises were real and true.  I let it go.  If I press on and ask, the answers might be more than my heart can bear at this time.

Fe says the universe has a way of correcting itself in its own time.   Perhaps — someday…

For now I have the week ahead to tackle.  There’s work Monday…  A journey I have to make. .. People I have to meet with…  A birthday to celebrate…  “He gives us only that which we can handle,” I remind myself.  I’m struggling to wish the dark thoughts away but I can’t shake them off.   Not today.  I am still hoping I’ll find the door that He is holding open for me.  Hopefully soon.

From grey to medium brown

I just applied a hair color wash that needs another 13 minutes to develop — so I thought I’d stop by and try to write a post before I hit the shower.

I’ve been staying home the last two days — yesterday, when I took a day off, and today, thanks to the ice blanketing the streets of New York City.  The boy has been nursing a fever and while he is better, he’s at that stage where a relapse is always just a heartbeat away so tomorrow, he stays home.  It’s still very cold outside and it’s just not worth making his condition worse.  Yet I cannot escape the reality that tomorrow, I must go back to work.

I’ve been puttering around the house but have not really had a chance to do much beyond taking care of the boy, cooking for my mother-in-law, and today, working.  I tried to pick up my jewelry making tools but wasn’t really all that productive, except for a simple pair of shoulder duster earrings as they call them.  I’ve been trying to work on my Art Journal Every Day, and while I am working on creating varied layouts of a single heart for the whole month of February, it hasn’t come to me quite as easily as I thought it would.  It is a process..

Perhaps later.

I would normally enjoy staying home with the boy and Alan, but it’s a different case with an 80-year-old mother-in-law showing signs of worsening dementia, and a promised temporary house guest in my soon-to-be 21-year-old stepson.  Too many complicated nuances I would rather not get into, but it’s a major adjustment.  Life goes on..

Timer just rang.. let’s see how this dye worked!

When life throws you a curve ball

That expression comes to mind given the panic I had just been engulfed in the last hour or so after Angelo got home to an empty house.  My mother-in-law (I surmised,) had stepped out and probably forgot the time.   Our “sitter” who picks Angelo  up daily and drives him home was adamant about not leaving him unattended.  So I spoke with the downstairs neighbors and after some back and forth, we agreed they would “watch” over him.  He sat in their living room, our phone in hand.  So Alan rushed home, missing an important meeting he had specifically gone to work for today.  What can we do?

Angelo just called me to say Lola finally got home.  I figured she had gone out to buy Alan a present since it was his birthday.  So that’s a relief, considering I was actually imagining Alan might have to go looking for her if he got home and she was nowhere to be found.  You cannot fault the old lady for wanting to buy her son a present.  I know Alan is simmering inside, but I kept reminding him to keep his cool.

We’re supposed to go out and celebrate his birthday this evening with dinner at one of our favorite restaurants.

At least my mother-in-law got home in one piece, and the drive will hopefully give Alan time to calm down as my own panic subsides.