Rudyard Kipling. One of his masterpieces, the poem “IF” begins with the phrase above which was the only phrase that came to mind as I woke up this morning to more messages about my son in New York.
For two straight days, he has suffered a headache and had thrown up at lunch time. The first time it happened, we were thinking he just didn’t have enough to eat, or that the food he ate from the school cafeteria was bad. Then this happened again today, and his Dad went home and secured an appointment with our pediatrician. I got through to them on their way home from the doctor’s office to dinner, and I was told the pediatrician suspects it’s an ear infection and he was being given medication. While my fears have been calmed a bit, I am still in a state of worry because I am 10,000 miles away and I am worried about the thousand other possibilities about his illness. Now I hate myself for asking “What else can go wrong?” because I am getting hit where I am weakest — where my son is involved.
I am almost tempted to try and get on the first plane out but I know that is over-reacting. My airline has a few flights leaving daily and I was thinking of trying to get on one tomorrow or the day after. Then again I have to remind myself we are hoping to get something major accomplished yet and to leave now would defeat the very purpose of what this trip was about in the first place.
I couldn’t hold back the tears in that momentary feeling of defeat yet again when I suddenly got overwhelmed by all the things that have been happening. I have a 7:30am appointment with another dear friend, Reggie, who is meeting me after his call center shift. I was thinking of cancelling but thought twice about it. Better to go see those who have gone out of their way to see me rather than those I have sought out but have taken so much pains to avoid me. And I have to remind myself of all the blessings I have received via all these people who have showered me with their love and reminders that all will be well in time. I need a friend’s warm embrace and laughter more than ever now.
So many have written that they are praying for me. Another message from above. Even as I feel downed by new doubts creeping into my heart, I keep hearing the heavens speaking to me through people I didn’t even know stopped by and read my words here.
Last night, before jetlag dragged me to la-la land, I saw this heartwarming comment from Cindy who had stopped by via my Art Journal Everyday attempts at self expression:
Cindy wrote in response to “A Day of Prayer” below: thank you for taking me on this journey with you! i am a brand new reader having clicked on a pinterest post of one of your beautiful journal posts. it’s 4am and i laughed at how God can work in our lives. i have been feeling a pull to go back to Mass (rather than the church from a different denomination i have been attending) so last nite my art journal was “give me a sign” mmm then i stumbled into your world and read this post (which of course led me to read some past posts and the art journal every day) and my heart is smiling. so my heart thanks you! and know i will be praying for you today cindy
To which the Pinay New Yorker says: Thank you, Cindy… your comment did more for me than what my words did for you. I am so overwhelmed by all the love and words of encouragement that continue to pour in, and I am truly amazed how what I am writing has brought out strangers who are no longer strangers to my struggle, and who make me feel that He is talking to me from above.
I am humbled. I am driven to tears knowing Someone up there is listening to me and He is letting all of you show me that He is indeed there, even when I feel abandoned and lost. Thank you once again.
I started this blogpost after wiping tears from my eyes, as I thought about Angelo and how I so wish I could hug him right now. I take another deep breath — I know God will take care of him. And I open my eyes and know that He is taking care of me, too.