Reboot for the nth time

So I’ve been meaning to come back here and write, and write some more — but Youtube has been front and center for me, of late, besides the regular things that usually preoccupy me like work and of course, the son.

It’s mostly adjusting to the son now being in college (Yay for the mom in me!), but it has also been a personal adjustment due to the fact that he has left home. Since I want to write an upbeat post, I will save the whining for later.

I am mighty proud of the fact that I managed to get my channel monetized in 4 months — racking up 4,000 watch hours (which translates to 240,000 minutes, mind you!) and just recently, managing to get over the 1,000 subscriber requirement which took quite the effort to achieve. That’s at least 2 blogposts in the making — but I am so over the moon with that accomplishment.

Being a content creator for the web in video format is more challenging than writing here, or posting photos or reels on instagram or tiktok — and the goal to monetize my channel took major effort on my part. So much so that I have neglected my other social media channels. The pressure was on to actually get people to like me — which was not like writing here, where I have always said that I write for my own benefit. I had turned my back on monetizing or commercializing my URLs because I had such a hard time trying to cope with the pressure to attract readership. And on this page or in my other accounts, when and what I posted was really all up to me. I didn’t have to worry about racking up the views, the watch hours or the subcription.

Not with Youtube.

But I made it — and it was rather exhilarating to finally cross the finish line as they said. The journey was not over at that point, though — it just shifted.

New York has gotten colder. Fall is here and life has sort of returned to normal. I’ve been back at work since April of 2021, so coming to the office almost everyday now during the week is not such a jarring change of pace for me. I am grateful I have a job.

I have stopped wearing masks only because of my personal bout with Covid sometime at the start of summer. Science says my antigen levels would be waning by now, so I am actually getting my masks ready again. I am bracing for the flu season, as well. We fifty-somethings and older should take precautions as life has a way of dealing us a reality check about our mortality during this season. (Reminder to self: Flu shot!)

I’m trying to get my life organized — as new goals and changes in my every day have fallen on my lap. I want to undertake a dozen projects to change my physical environment, but other plans are in the way. In time, I tell myself.

I am happy that I’ve been reading more than I had planned — and that I continue to read in print and on audio format. I am in a good place.

I look back at the past year with much gratitude. I’ve been fortunate to have been given the means to cope with the changes that came my way. I had tethered myself to the ground before the shockwaves came, so I stood strong — unfazed. And to be honest, I’ve been spared in many ways. There have been disappointments that have come my way, but nothing that broke me or brought me to my knees. For that, I am grateful. (Another blog post coming about that.)

I’ve learned to treat each day as a gift, and to look towards tomorrow as if it might not come. I’m trying not to fall into the trap of saying, I’ll do this or that tomorrow. Why postpone it when you can do it now? You might end up missing out on the opportunity to grab your chance if you decide to procrastinate.

I was actually here editing my “ME” page — updating my age, the age of the son, and adding the Youtube URL. I was ready to turn off the laptop, but I said, time to write again. And so here I am, fearlessly declaring another reboot. I am almost tempted to declare I will write everyday for the next 30 days. That’s a scary thought for me. I will be back soon. There is just so much I want to write about here. But I have videos to edit and create. How I wish there were more hours in a day.

Pinay New Yorker is back.. I hope you’ll hop on over to my channel and hit the subscribe button. We’re not stopping at 1,000 subscribers. I hope you like my content there, as much as you’ve liked reading about my world here.

Monday Musings on a Wednesday: Pre-Fourth of July

Monday musings in paper and ink

The good news, its been only two weeks since I last hit “publish”. The truth is, I started drafting posts and just didn’t get the chance to actually finish writing any of them. I’m hoping to rectify that this week, but allow me to begin with my favorite way to round up the thoughts racing through my head via my Monday Musings. (This post got stuck in my drafts so I am publishing belatedly.)

Summer blooms

I’m not even going to whine about the fact that the last post was under the same banner. I’ve always meant this to be a bunch of short blurbs of what’s going on in my life on the day I write it. Recently, this seemed to be the easiest way to get around writing a post.

Early start of the day. I found myself getting out of bed at 5am today, and that’s really early for me. I’m actually heading into Manhattan today to work on-site, so I figured I have around a half hour or so to chill and try to write a post. I’m not really a morning person but I find myself waking up earlier than my alarm on the phone. Excited much? I think not. My body has always had this way of waking up just before the alarm rings — one thing I’m glad she hasn’t thrown out of whack! I still thrive in the evenings better than these early hours.

Getting ready for the Fourth of July. I’ve never really been big on this holiday except when I have guests to bring to the fireworks display or what not. This year is different, though, as I’ve been invited by some friends to go on a holiday weekend road trip. I’m pretty excited because we’re doing something I’ve never really done before. It was a rather spontaneous invitation and acceptance that just saw everything falling into place, and I am “in the zone” and all stoked about this adventure. Finally hitting one of my 21 for 2021 goals of taking a trip outside of the Tri-State area. More about this later.

So I’m getting my gear ready and researching the things I can do where I’m going. That’s 5 days of “me”..

All these birthdays. The last couple of days saw some very important birthdays coming to pass which seems to tell me that I have an affinity with folks born during this month. Best friends in Sydney and Hong Kong and some new friends make for a very busy month of greetings. I am blessed to have you all in my life, whether as the friends who warm my heart or being one of the rare people who give me the warm and fuzzies. The latter still makes me smile impishly at the thought, but these days, any reason to smile is something to be grateful for.

I’m off to an exciting week with promises of many new firsts I am looking forward to. More to come..

21 for 2021

Every year, I’ve reworked the previous list of goals for the new year after reporting on how I fared in trying to keep with what I had written for the one just ended. 2021 will be very different if only because 2020 changed so much in the way we did things due to Covid. So with the restrictions that we are now faced with and the adjustments we must make in our new reality, I must tweak this year’s list drastically to adapt.

Just another one of the many ways that we all must live differently now. One thing that I know I will not change is try to work through a list of goals for the coming year, and yes, 21 for the year 2021 — no more, no less.

1. Read six books. Believe me, I am trying. I started several books in 2020 but never finished one. I think I’ll go back to the old school way of reading one book and not beginning another until I finish it.

2. Learn something new via an actual class. With everything going virtual now, this shouldn’t be difficult. I’m still working on my language classes but those are more of self study and not really a class. I might have something new to report before the month is out and cross this off my list.

3. Continue exercising and dieting to take better care of myself and reach my original weight goal which is currently 10 lbs lower than my post holiday weight.

4. Visit Central Park all four seasons. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I will be able to visit once after a snowfall this winter, and get to the other seasons finally. It’s a bit harder trying to get this particular task done, but despite the restrictions and the fact that I’m hardly in the city, it is actually one of those that I think I can finally accomplish this year.

Central Park Summer 2020

5. Crafting: Organize my supplies and try new methods in jewelry making and personal art. Continue my Art journal. Last year was very productive in this respect and I’ve found new inspiration to create different pieces for the shop. On a personal level, my success with the art journal has further inspired me to continue it on to 2021 with a totally new journal. I’ve immersed myself with inspiration from artists I’ve encountered and followed and continue to learn from in the process. As I have tried to get organized, I’ve discovered that I have my supplies all mixed up everywhere and it would really just be easier if I could sort them out.

2020 saw me documenting my year in an art journal, and what I have come up with has inspired me to continue with the journey in 2021.

6. Continue to find a new home for the items that I no longer have use for, but which can be of use to others. I learned some valuable lessons in being able to destash with more purpose in 2020, which I hope to continue to do in 2021. I’ve found two groups to share these things with — one in my neighborhood and the other across the boroughs of New York City. I’ve always hated throwing things out and it was a good feeling to get rid of some of the things i needed to dispose of, while at the same time helping others.

7. Work on the Gift of 55. Ever since I turned 50, I have tried to prepare gifts to give away to coincide with my birthday. It was a way of celebrating myself while giving to others. In connection with the lessons I learned in destashing items in 2020 as mentioned above, I think I will focus on something more meaningful in 2021 as I turn 55. That means 55 acts of kindness to celebrate. I will start working on this sooner rather than later, as April is just around the corner.

8. Keep writing. I think I’m off to a good start with three posts in three days. The problem is in keeping the momentum going. I am trying.. I have started some new writing projects and actually see myself making progress as the weeks go. There’s been a better focus on writing these days, what with everything that’s been happening around me in a social and personal level.

9. Keep writing those letters. I started writing people randomly during the last quarter of 2020. It has been a gratifying and heartwarming experience hearing from the people I’ve written. Beyond the Christmas cards, there were letters that actually made it out of my writing box. And I already have around a half dozen letters waiting to be written. I know that I will surpass my goal of writing one card or letter a month, so I am not going to put a minimum. I will just keep writing and sending those letters and cards out.

10. Get the podcast on the air. One of the projects that I got all excited about during the first months of the pandemic was getting a podcast on the air. I had the title, a friend so generously provided me with original music in different cuts to use, my niece rendered a graphic for the show and my first three shows were cast with guests that had so readily said yes. And then work and life got in the way, and I didn’t want to just broadcast haphazardly. I’m focusing on this anew if only because I have since thought of another half dozen topics to broadcast and people to feature. It’s a project halfway to done.

11. Buff up stocks in the Etsy Shop. One thing I found rather surprising was the traffic I was getting, and the actual sales made during the pandemic. I wish I had the time and the energy to post more actively, but a newfound interest in raw materials to use for my pieces has sparked new inspiration. Still not quitting the day job, but this is definitely getting a new focus from me.

12. Sew at least one coat / jacket before spring, and another before winter. I see my sewing machine and I sigh in frustration, regretting that I have yet to finish another coat since I did one for my sewing classes at Mood University way back when. I have the materials.. I have cut up fabric ready to be sewn into masks. There was a time I went (a bit) crazy buying fabric on sale — and they are all neatly stacked and stored in my bins. Waiting to be sewn into something I will wear. Two pieces, minimum!

13. Fix my attic. I have a huge storage space that has stacks of boxes of stuff that need to make it to the waste bin. I’m thinking the best way is to devote an hour every month at least — in increments of 15 or 30 minutes, just to move things around. I’ve managed to do some tidying as I pulled out the Christmas tree and decorations for this year — and there is a semblance of order in one corner, but there are other corners that need touching. And I will get to that this year.

14. Sort my postcard collection. Going through the things that had lain hidden in boxes and bins through the years has made me rediscover postcards in my collection. I’ve already started gathering the ones that really have no room in my collecting interests and have started giving them away. As I go through my boxes, I’ve started sorting postcards, photographs and greeting cards randomly, leaving the actual organizing of the three bins for another time. The postcard collection, though, needs particular attention, and I’ve already begun the work.

15. Catalogue and photograph my Starbucks Mug Collection. I haven’t really had any major additions to the collection in 2020 but I managed to add maybe a half dozen mugs. I used to have enough room above my pantry in the kitchen to display them in two rows, but the space has since run out. I also need to “rewrap” the mugs that are still there due to the soot from the stove. (Yes, I packed them well, so they are not grimy on the inside.). Most of the collection is now in boxes in the attic, waiting to be displayed. I’m working on figuring out the best way to display them maybe in the dining room, but I just thought they were better off in boxes until I can find a nice way to showcase what I have.

16. Put my family photos in an album. I know that with most photos now digitally stored, the hard copy photos I managed to bring to New York from my trips home are all the more priceless. I have them in a box and mom had brought me a nice archival photo album I have yet to use. This year, I will get those precious photographs into that album.

17. Create the wall art I’ve been meaning to do the last year or so. I actually have two items I am hoping to create but beyond the main board I was hoping to put these works on, I haven’t really done anything. Even just one for this year will be great. I am rather reluctant to share more details beyond this, but should I finally get it done (hopefully this year!), I will share the final work in this space.

18. Finish, frame and hang a cross stitch project featuring Our Lady of Perpetual Help that I started more than 16 years ago. Long story…first, I must find it to start work on it again.

19. Set my affairs in order. One thing that 2020 made most of us do is make us face our mortality and the uncertainty of the future. I keep saying I will write my will and do my living will — but beyond identifying my emergency contact and giving immediate instructions to that friend, I haven’t really been able to set this down properly. So on my 55th year on this earth, I will.

20.

21.

As you can see, I’m publishing this list with two still up in the air. This might take a bit longer for me to decide, so instead of waiting to complete the list, I’d rather publish now and get on with the year. (Another thing that 2020 has taught me — take care of what you can take care of now, instead of letting the task linger on undone.)

While some of the things I wrote above are more “guideposts” instead of actual goals, I’m actually optimistic I will get half of this list done. (Fearless forecast.). Wish me luck!

The 10 Day Writing Challenge – The Round up

I am proud to say that I finished the 10 Day Writing Challenge without missing a post during the period (please see links below for all the posts), and I’m actually thinking of doing something longer next time.

Yes, I wrote spontaneously — sometimes very briefly — but I wrote what came to mind or what was happening to me at that moment.  I usually found myself scampering to write before midnight, sometimes finishing the post just a few minutes after.  Surprisingly, the pressure wasn’t all that bad.  The topics weren’t difficult to find.  So I wrote on and you can see that the topics were varied, although most of them were about what I was thinking of at the moment.

There were posts where I wish I had more energy or time to write — they were like the many draft posts that never found themselves published because I just wasn’t happy with the content because I wanted to write about it more.  There were times when I got into the groove of writing, but then I lost myself somewhere and in the process, decided to hit the pause button. Not this time.

Lessons learned:

I can actually write everyday.  I just need to find the focus and deliberately set aside time to complete a post, no matter how short or how long a piece it is.

I can still write more than one post in the course of a day, but I am more productive if I focus on one until I hit “Publish”.

I should start writing early during the day instead of looking at the clock only to realize my deadline is looming overhead.  I know these aren’t my best 10 pieces, but the point was to write 10 — period.  I wanted to see if I can actually go 10 straight days writing a post here, and I did.  Some of my better pieces I did in one sitting, but without the pressure of midnight tolling.  So I still need the leeway to write and go and edit my work.   One thing I’ve learned is that that is best earlier during the day.

10 day challenge done! So what’s next? Maybe I’ll go thirty..

Out of Focus

One Day Soon

Sewing Decisions

Fridays be like

Slow Saturday

Getting back up on your feet again 

Autumn Monday

Taking it easy

When you fail again

Self love

The 10-day Writing Challenge

I read somewhere that you need to write even when there is nothing to write. Or something like that.

And with how my writing has been going in stops and starts, I thought I’d set a goal of doing a 10-day writing challenge. The goal is to write and publish 10 posts here in the next 10 days. (Ambitious, right)

Not for lack of anything to do, but I know how difficult it can be to muster the words and ideas to complete a post– and how complacency can actually silence your voice. It is a high pressure goal in setting just to see if I can do it, and what will come out of it. I want to push myself to the limit and stir up my creative juices.

Writing has always been a part of who I am– be it in letters, poetry, stories or random musings here. Sometimes, even my Instagram posts have a mini essay for a caption. My pictures have stories behind them, just as they tell a story within the frame. And more often than not, there is a need to relate those stories, even if only in hashtags and blurbs that make sense only to me.

Our words paint a picture in the reader’s eyes. My words, to me, are like paintbrushes that make my thoughts, memories and ideas come to life. It is how I share a deeper part of me with you.

At first, I thought I’d list down the topics to write about, but then it occurred to me that that would curtail the attempt to let the words flow spontaneously. No rules. Just words. 10 posts in 10 days.

Here’s to 10 days of being spontaneous, and of marshaling the words to bring you into my world.

Below are the 10 posts that were published as a result of this personal challenge posed to myself:

Out of Focus

One Day Soon

Sewing Decisions

Fridays be like

Slow Saturday

Getting back up on your feet again

Autumn Monday

Taking it easy

When you fail again

Monday, Monday

Monday musings in paper and ink

Disclosure: Clicking on certain links in this post might mean a commission for me upon visiting the site it brings you to or if you make a purchase.

I am trying to write with more regularity here and I am happy that Mondays find me with enough energy to write, but I don’t want a Monday Musings blog. But thinking more positively, at least the words are coming.

So how was your weekend?

Mine was productive craftwise. I managed to finish crocheting three winter hats, although technically, it was 2.25. The third hat only needed some finishing with the rim. All done with yarn already on hand, and I’m raring to make more.

Untitled

Carnival Row. I heard of the show in this article from my hard copy TIME magazine. Since I had an Amazon Prime Membership anyway, I thought I’d give at least one episode a try. It came free with the membership and I try to maximize my benefits given the price of being part of it, so I watch when I can.

Although the review had given me a rather biased point of view, that it lowered expectations helped me to appreciate the film more. I ended up watching 4 episodes and would’ve watched the 5th, but my teen came home daring to play his new video game. So I ceded the TV. But I am looking forward to continuing the series.

Staying in the know. I’ve picked up a morning habit which I’ve found very helpful in staying up to speed with the news. Check out 5 Things from CNN. They promise to be your new favorite morning fix – and in all of 5 minutes.

While I do browse The New York Times and Apple News, the requirement for a subscription to most other service providers limits my reading to an occasional click.

Thank you, CNN.

Weekend binge. While I didn’t go anywhere this weekend, I did go home with some goodies which meant a carb splurge beginning with rice and adobo on Friday evening. Blame it on the food I took home Wednesday night from the visit to Woodside where there are Pinoy carinderias aplenty. I also managed to score a cheese bread loaf from Maison Kaiser near my office which became brunch on Saturday. Rare at the end of the day given that they usually run out, so that was a real treat! (And it comes with my favorite President butter..)

And on Sunday, I made some grilled mango calamansi jam sandwiches for breakfast. Totally yum on all fronts.

Mango Calamansi Jan toasts

Don’t ask me about the pounds gained because I surprisingly kept it within reasonable bounds. I just need to be good from here on out.

There are just those times when I need to loosen up a bit with the dieting and think more of what I need and want. Otherwise, losing weight becomes a chore and it’s harder to stick to my regimen.

More than Monday musings. Goal for the week: write at least one post before next Monday.. fingers crossed.

Paper and pen

WritingI have been hearing a voice in my head prompting me to take paper and pen and write.  I don’t quite know what about, but I was told by a friend that if I were to write a book (ambitious!), I should do it on paper.

I don’t know if I’m writing to get the juices flowing for my dream to get published to become a reality — or is it simply another love letter to an older me in the not so distant future.

Maybe.

I used to journal longhand, back in the day when blogging was just in its infancy.  Or maybe even its toddler stages.  I have at least two books (or even three) I had written longhand in — and a third which was a Christmas or birthday present from the ex — once upon a time when he answer to the label “husband” or “honey”.  Then I stopped journaling, only to resume it around a decade later.

But before that, I went online and wrote.. took photos and wrote.. and I am still writing.  Not quite as much as I had hoped, but at least there is that conscious effort to write again.

My return to written journaling was spurred on by my discovery of art journaling.  I picked up a hardbound book and altered it with drawing and color and used it as my canvas.  This coincided with a very tumultuous time in my life which meant there was so much I needed to write down.  Although I have always said I am not an artist, I managed to create an altered book with my own version of artistic expression, filling the embellished pages with journaling over a period of two years.  Then my life somehow settled — some — and the upheaval subsided into a quiet calm.  I came to the end of my altered book.

I have tried to kick start my art journaling several times since, but with no success.  And yet I know I will keep trying.

So here I am now, pen in hand and almost to the third page of my first story.  I feel like that in itself is quite an achievement.  These days, I go with a joyful “yay!” to celebrate joy & Triumph.  And with a smile on my face, I know I am back into my love affair with paper and pen.

Monday Musings: Cold, cold Monday

Monday musingsWhat to do on another cold Monday. Winter has never been my favorite time of the year. I dream of spring and of summer. Okay, I’ll take fall. Then I wish I could wish winter away.

I guess not.

I am yearning for precious sleep. Sometimes I wish I could lay down in bed and just fall into a deep slumber. That has been elusive of late. No matter how exhausted I might feel, it’s as if there’s a switch in my consciousness that just won’t turn off. I did indulge with sleeping in during the weekend. It just wasn’t enough. I am hoping for a swifter transition to sleep this coming week and just wishing my mind would sync with my body pining for rest.

Trying to stay positive. I’d like to think that things are changing for the better. That no matter how challenging the past couple of weeks were, things are turning around and I’m beginning to feel my load getting lighter.

There is the laughter and the cheer and how I try to find the so-called silver lining. And the happy thoughts of bear hugs and laughter and those quiet times when so much is said even without the words.

I am just glad I am in a better place in those parts of my life that matter.

I am grateful.

There is such a fulfillment in the thought that here I am, writing again. Two posts for the day! I didn’t want to do Monday Musings tomorrow — then it will be a Tuesday something or other. I have always loved to write and have regretted not being able to do it more. It really takes a certain kind of discipline and dedication to the idea of putting words together to form a coherent thought. Or not. Just putting words together may be enough sometimes. But writing consistent and more regularly is one thing I hope to do more of this year.

Want vs. wish. Right after I typed the period, I went “hmmmmmm” in my head and thought I should write a full post on this right here, right now. But I’m kind of tired and my mind is wandering off, and I don’t want to make the mistake of insisting lest I find myself fighting to find sleep again tonight. You know how we are sometimes our own worst enemy when we end up waking ourselves up when we were almost in dreamland.

I just let out a deep sigh, thinking of this dream that I want and want so badly that I feel sad that it seems it won’t happen. I tell myself it just wasn’t meant to be. The choice is not mine to make, and if it doesn’t go my way, then I will just go about work as if the thought never even crossed my mind.

I should just be happy things have gotten better where there was chaos before. I am laughing again.

Here’s to a week of renewed bliss and hope for everyone.

Verses in my head

WORK IN PROGRESS: Fabric Flower Brooch with Freshwater PearlsThe words came early to me.  I wrote my first verses before I was ten, but it didn’t occur to me to save them until I was in fourth grade or 9 years old.  I started like most wannabe poets, making sure the verses rhymed and make sense.  They were never short blurbs, and it was more important for me to achieve the appearance of seeming poetry rather than expressing what I felt within in words.

As I grew older, I became more relaxed with the words and the phrasing.  I even let my punctuations loose and just wrote as the words came. 

My love affair with words has been a life long journey.

The uncanny thing was that the words stopped coming when I embarked on what I thought was the most important journey of my life: starting a family of my own.  For more than a decade, my voice was muted.  Perhaps it was a reflection of how the real me disappeared inside the shell of what I became in that new life.  So I guess it followed that when I rediscovered the person I had been underneath what I had been molded to be, the words came.

Even if I only managed one piece last year, the fact the the words and my feelings so easily came together again reassured me my voice was intact within.  

I’m writing about this journey in verse again because I’ve taken to writing new poems once more.  A friend chided me when I shared what is, joyous news for me, teasing me, do I start with “Roses are red..”‘.   (No, I don’t.. lol).   

The fact that I am able to finish a piece, no matter how short, is a personal feat that brings a smile to my face.  It brings peace to my heart.  I find it reassuring because my literary hand is steady again, writing freely.  My voice has awakened, and it is speaking to my heart.

I’m still not quite comfortable calling my work poetry.  I call them verses.   And I hope the words keep coming.  I am at that point in my life when a decade long silence is no longer on the horizon.  I write or I don’t.  The fact that I am writing again, I guess, means that I will be churning out more in the days to come.  That one there, is a thought that gives me fulfillment, reassuring me I’m in a very good place.

Catching up

Beautiful #Springday in #NYC today as I walked through #BryantPark past the #NewYorkPublicLibrary. #springInNYC #manhattan #midtown #midtownmanhattan #tulips #flora #flowers #mynewyork #mynyc

I remember not too long ago, there was someone who told me flatly he could only help one person at a time and he turned around and “left”.  Some things just stay with you.  Even if not for the magnitude of it, but simply for the profound effect its brutal frankness has on you.  Another weird analogy:  a knife and an ice pick can inflict as lethal an injury as the other.  So it’s not size.  It’s all those other things that make it hurt.

It was a no.  It was direct.  And yes, at the time, it hurt.

I guess I’m just not that type of person who would say no or refuse to help unless it was absolutely impossible for me.  And always, if I can’t, I would find a way to find someone who can.  But that’s just me.

Again, someone was talking to me about “default settings”.  Some people are just wired to try their darnedest to help.  (Reminds me of Sir Davos who asked the forlorn Melisandre to bring back my fave Game of Thrones character, Jon Snow.) You just can’t give up.  I know I don’t easily give up.  Not on life, not on me, not on others.

So even when it seems I’m not accomplishing anything much, and I am almost “stalled”, I tell myself, “Get up and try again.”  Or simply, “Go!”

Write.

Craft.

Learn  something new.

Write.

So here I am.

Again, I’ve fallen behind in my craft space, although I have a post (or two) in the works.  And I’m behind responding to queries from the thirty or so people who actually read my blog. (Ha!  And yes, post is being drafted.)

Life happens.

Right now, work is good — busy but in a good way.  And slow though it may be, I think my plans for rebooting my life in general are well underway.  Still, I feel like I could’ve done more or want to do more and haven’t.  Going back to my ‘lists’ helps.  But there are those days when you just freeze or vegetate and not do a thing.  Not good.

I am my worst critic.  For the longest time, I listened to someone whose opinion mattered the most to me and believed I was less than who I was for failing that person’s expectations.  Then one day, I just woke up and realized the person I was looking at in the mirror wasn’t me anymore.  That “me” crawled out from under and shed that exterior that wasn’t mine.  I look back now and realize I had let myself down.  But I’m back.  I like “me” as I see her now.  I actually believe I haven’t done so badly the last couple of months, and things are only getting better.

I’m trying to catch up.. getting there.  Post done.  There.