When the rebellious side of youth takes over

The stepson had told Alan Thursday that he was going to spend the weekend with his cousins in New Jersey.  The father gave him permission but told him to go home before leaving for his cousins’ place.  My mother-in-law prepared a special noodle dish expecting the grandson was coming home.  I arrived at past 9 PM after the McGreevey book signing and there was no sign of the stepson.  Since Alan arrived at 10:30, he no longer checked the cousins and decided to do it the next morning.

The first cousin he called said they had not seen the stepson and were not expecting him.  He called a second cousin who said the same.  Finally he called the Mom asking if the stepson was there and he said no.  Everyone was naturally worried and upset.  The cousins were irritated because this was not the first time he had “used” them as an excuse.

Saturday and Sunday went with nary a call, until finally the stepson arrived at around 8PM.  At first he tried to lie and stick to his story he had gone to his cousins.  When Alan told him he had spoken with them and knew he had not been there, he told his Dad that he didn’t want to tell him where he had been.  He was even smirking at his Dad as if he found the situation amusing. 

I kept out of the whole thing and just left Alan, the grandma and the stepson to themselves.  At this point, I have accepted the fact that he is beyond my control.  He doesn’t see me as a relevant persona in this house, and he doesn’t care about what I say or do.  When his father is not here, he just goes about his business as if I weren’t around — and I have taken to turning a blind eye to him as well.  It’s not easy living with someone who shows no respect for you but I have to restrain myself from biting the bait lest I say or do something that I will regret later.

His presence in my home affects me greatly but I bear the burden of my frustration alone.  As I have told Alan time and again, he has no choice but to deal with the boy because he is his son.  I have a choice because he’s not mine.  And after moving heaven and earth to gain his acceptance and still ending up on the receiving end of his hostility, no one can fault me for giving up at this point.  It’s really not surprising he is the way he is with me, considering how irreverent and disrespectful he is to his own parents — not just his Dad, but even more so towards his Mom.

The rebelliousness of youth.. it is useless to try to conquer it, you can just pray it passes quickly.  This one looks like it’s permanent, though.  So where does that leave me?

0 thoughts on “When the rebellious side of youth takes over

  1. once upon a time i was a stepson too, mare. my mom lived with a guy whom i really did not like. mom always builds him up but i just couldn’t really get myself to like him. i reached a point that i got fed up by my mom constantly nagging me to at least “try”. i talked to my stepdad and i said to him, “let’s make this short and clear. i don’t like you but my mom is happy being with you. so, let’s be civil with each other and give each other respect with no expectations that we will be father-son and let’s just see where things will go” He said, “Deal.” Ended with a handshake. at least it was clear to both of us. till the day they separated, our relationship never took the next level. but i have to say, it wasn’t as strained before we had the talk.

    haaay. hirap talaga noh?

    Like

  2. Dinna

    I’ve had countless talks with the boy. It IS a very difficult situation. It is refreshing, though, to hear the viewpoint of a stepson. Thanks for sharing, mare..

    Like

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